Growing Together
by Danym
Summary: After an exciting weekend, Sara and Grissom have to work on each other to make their relationship work. And their coworkers are not exactly helping. Sequel to “Growing Up” in the Baby series. [GSR Finished] Last part is up!
1. Chapter 1

Growing Together

Part 1

By Dany

Rating: T

Summary: Sequel to "Growing Up" in the Baby series. After an exciting weekend, Sara and Grissom have to work on each other to make their relationship work. And their coworkers are not exactly helping.

Disclaimer: CSI and its characters don't belong to me.

xxxxx

Catherine looked down the corridor, searching for her next victim.

The first had been Grissom.

When she had come in this night, she had noticed his unusual mood. He was tired, his whole posture gave him away, but his eyes told her something else. There was something in his eyes that he tried to hide. If this was not Gil Grissom, she would have said it was happiness and satisfaction. These things could _not_ be attributed to a visit with his mother.

Right after he had settled in, she had gone to unsettle him again to get to the root of this – unsuccessfully.

He had told her about his mother, but otherwise, he had not given anything away. She left his office still in the dark, vowing to herself that she would try again.

Catherine Willows did _not_ give up that easily.

Which brought her to her second victim: Sara.

Last night she hadn't had the chance to talk to her, and Nick hadn't gotten anywhere with her either. However, she had noticed in passing that Nick was right.

There was something about her that practically screamed…falling. She didn't want to think about 'in love' just yet.

Wandering down the corridor, she finally found her in one of the labs. What else had she expected?

It looked like she was finishing up some evidence of last night's hit-and-run, so Catherine decided to just launch her offensive now. "Hey, Sara. I've been looking for you."

Sara looked up from her task, a little wary of what the other woman could possibly want from her. "Well, you found me. What can I help you with?"

Sara's voice was calm and collected. Too calm for Catherine's liking. This only affirmed that something was off.

"I just wondered if there was something bothering you." She tried to play it cool. Asking Sara straight forward about a potential love interest would not get her anywhere, so she opted for another tactic.

It seemed to work because Sara appeared to be confused. "No, I'm fine. Why?"

"Well, recently you hardly book any overtime and yesterday you left on time. I just thought that something's been affecting you. There was this case last week with the girl and…"

Catherine didn't get any further as Sara shook her head.

"No, I'm fine. I mean, yes, the case was tough, but…" Sara sighed and turned to Catherine, giving up on her analysis for now. "Look, don't tell anyone, but I listened to one of Grissom speeches for once and got a diversion. I…I take courses after work."

Catherine's eyes narrowed slightly, not sure if she should believe the other woman.

"They're uh…entomology courses." Sara hung her head, silently cursing herself. Couldn't she have come up with something more creative?

"Oh, well, then, sure, I won't tell anyone." Catherine mentally sighed, wondering how long Sara was going to hang on to her hope that Grissom might notice her one day. Strike that. He did notice her; he was just too much of a coward to get his head straight and make a move.

As much as she admired her, she felt sorry for Sara. Grissom was a tough nut to crack, but Sara obviously kept trying. That took a lot of strength.

"Yeah, right. Listen, I think I've humiliated myself enough, so I better get back to work." She knew what Catherine was thinking now and just wished she had never opened her mouth.

She turned back to her work and pretended to ignore Catherine, who was still standing there, trying to digest what Sara had just revealed.

It took a while for her to get her legs to function again and leave Sara to herself.

xxxxx

She reached the breakroom, finding only Warrick eating a sandwich. "Hey, Cath."

"Oh hey, Warrick." She sank down onto the couch, rubbing her closed eyes.

"What's up?"

"Huh?" Her hand wandered to her neck, rubbing it harder than she had her eyes.

"You look lost." Warrick put his sandwich away and walked over to sit next to her.

"Well, I am." At least, she didn't seem to have lost her sense of humor, because she gave Warrick a hesitant smile.

"I'm lost because Grissom's got a secret, and I bet it's a good one cause he almost looks happy."

"And I bet he didn't tell you, and that's why you're frustrated."

Warrick knew Catherine well enough to know that 'frustrated' was just the beginning. Things could get dangerous if she didn't find out soon.

"What's more, I wanted to help Nick with Sara, and it turned out to be something I wouldn't have expected."

"It's okay. You'll figure it out."

On impulse, Warrick wrapped his arm around her shoulder and gave her a hug.

Catherine let out a laugh of nervous tension and began to relax. "These two are really something. I'm still all in favor of locking them up somewhere to resolve things. I think only then they will stop driving us crazy."

She was glad Warrick hadn't asked for more information. It was rare that she and Sara had a bonding moment, and she really didn't want to jeopardize that by spilling Sara's secret.

She felt better now that she had been relieved of some of the tension and felt ready to go back to work.

Now, she only had to think about what to tell Nick.

xxxxx

When the end of shift neared, Grissom had other things on his mind than worrying about Catherine. He was preoccupied with Sara and the question what would happen after shift.

It seemed strange to think she would be heading home as if the last three days didn't happen. Could he go home and pretend it was no big deal that Sara had spent three days at his house?

What did it mean to him and how much was he willing to give?

Having Sara in his bed, feeling her warm form and her steady heartbeat close to him, had given him a new kind of relaxation. They hadn't done much else but sleep, conscious of the little girl that shared the room with them, and still, here he was, wondering how he was going to sleep tonight, alone.

He knew he was jumping ahead of things, wanting more than they were quite possibly ready for, but the thought of a night without Sara chilled him. How would she see it though?

In the end, he didn't think it was his decision. He had hinted that he wanted her to return, and if she needed space after this intense weekend, then who was he to dictate what to do? Sara would have to make the decision.

Grissom tried to focus on the report in front of him again. If he didn't finish this one and about five others, there would be no going home in the next few hours.

xxxxx

"Finally," Grissom sighed as he put his signature below the last report an hour after shift ended.

He couldn't say he had really read every word, but it would have to be enough. His mind had been somewhere else, and he hadn't done more than skim over the pages.

He knew he had to get a grip. _This_ could only work if work didn't suffer.

For today he was done.

He packed up his things and when he turned to the door to leave, he was surprised to see Sara leaning against the doorframe.

"Hey, were you waiting for me?"

Sara just smirked. "What do you think?"

She had been working overtime, what else? He had to admit that he was a little bit disappointed, but he didn't want to let her know.

"And?"

What did she want from him? He was confused, and Sara's knowing grin was not helping matters either. "Help me out here, it was a long night."

Sara leaned into the room a little further and whispered, "Breakfast?"

Some of the tension of the night fell off of him. He realized that he had made himself more stressed than needed. He didn't have to be worried.

Sara had made it abundantly clear that she wanted them to be together. They were taking it 'slow' for him. What had complicated the situation and put pressure on him was the fact that he had pushed it and now he wanted more.

"My place?" she asked hesitantly when he nodded, and Grissom nodded again.

When Sara gave him a bright smile, he pushed all of his worries away. He could be spontaneous and just go with it, and he was determined to prove it. His briefcase in one hand, he used the other to guide Sara out of his office.

In the hallway he dropped his hand, which made Sara frown, but as soon as they had left the building, the hand found its way to her back again.

Reassured by his touch, Sara leaned into him and whispered, "I _did_ wait for you," before she got into her car.

Grissom stood there in the parking lot, totally overwhelmed. Something in her voice told him that she was not only talking about right now.

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

Growing Together

Part 2

Summary: Every relationship has to face a crisis.

A/N: Sorry for the delay. There were some really pressing things I had to take care of and my betas pc struck out. So, an extra thanks to Ace and Cybro.

xxxxx

When Grissom pulled into the parking lot of Sara's apartment building, the first thing he noticed was that her car wasn't there. Where had she gone?

She had pulled out before him, and it had taken him one or two minutes to get his feet to move. She should be here.

Panic was surging up in him, and he started to fumble for his cell phone. She should be here.

The ring tone seemed unnaturally loud as it went on and on. After what seemed like hours, Sara finally picked up. "Yes?"

She sounded out of breath, which worried him more. "Sara where are you?"

Grissom didn't even bother to hide his concern. Nervously, he smoothed over his hair, looking around for her car once more.

"Oh Gris, I'm sorry. I forgot that I have nothing useful in my kitchen, especially after not being there over the weekend. I'm at the store, but I should be there in five."

His breathing slowed to normal, and the panic subsided. As more oxygen chased away the lightheadedness, his brain was able to function normally again, and it was only then that he realized that it might not be Sara's, but there _was_ a familiar car. Why hadn't he noticed that before?

Frantically, he looked around for the owner of the car, but he was nowhere to be found.

"Sara." Her soft breathing reminded him that she was still on the other end. "We have a problem."

He threw the car into reverse and backed out of the parking lot. "What?"

The background noise changed, and he guessed she had stopped doing whatever she had been doing.

"You have a visitor, whom I hope hasn't seen me yet."

"What?" She was getting louder.

"I'm driving home now."

"Who?"

Grissom drove around the next corner and stopped out of sight. "Nick. His car was in the lot, but I couldn't see him."

While Sara was processing the whole thing, Grissom allowed himself to feel sorry. If Nick was there waiting for Sara, their breakfast would have to be put off.

"Nick is at my apartment?" She was moving again, that much he could tell.

"It appears so."

"Shit! I knew he wasn't going to let it go. I just didn't think he would actually do something."

Grissom was confused about what she was trying to tell him. A slight bout of jealousy welled up in him, but he pushed it down immediately. It was silly, he told himself. This was Nick and they were more like siblings than anything else. He would have to try harder to get his insecurities under control or they would become an acute risk to their relationship.

"Well, there's nothing _I _can do. Why don't you finish your shopping and then find out what he wants. Call me when you're done."

"Gris, I'm sorry." The sadness radiated from her voice, and all he wanted to do was take her in his arms and chase it away.

"There is nothing to be sorry for. Things happen. Just call me okay?" He wanted to continue, to tell her that he loved her, but it didn't seem right.

"I will!"

xxxxx

All the way home, Grissom wondered what had gone wrong. Where had he gone wrong that he couldn't tell her what had seemed to come naturally this weekend?

Maybe it was the unexpected turn of events that had thrown him.

On the other hand, why should that bother him so much that he could not tell her he loved her?

Grissom opened the front door to his home and was surprised to notice how quiet it seemed.

No Amelia, no Sara. Just him and his pets. Something was missing – besides Sara.

He took another look around, but the only thing that seemed different was a little clutter here and there, leftovers from the weekend.

He had nothing to do but wait until Sara called so he decided to clean up a bit. The orderly person in him found pleasure in the little tasks, but another part of him realized it was just a distraction. He kept thinking about Sara and what Nick could possibly want from her.

When he was done and everything was neat and tidy again, he looked around once more. Everything was in its place; everything looked as always. Still, it didn't feel right.

And suddenly, he realized Catherine was right.

What he had previously called his 'home' was seriously lacking the homely element. The almost sterile surroundings accentuated his isolation and loneliness.

He had to do something about this.

The last weekend had changed his perspective on many things; most of all his relationship with Sara. He could not remember why he was holding back anymore.

This house, this lonely life was not him anymore.

xxxxx

When she stepped out of the elevator, Sara spied Nick immediately. He was leaning against the wall next to her door. His eyes were closed, and for a moment she wondered if he was asleep, but then he opened his eyes and his eyes fell on her.

A tired smile spread over his face while Sara tried not to let it show that she dreaded this conversation. The mere fact that he was here, that he invaded her privacy like that led her to believe that there was more to it.

"Hey, Sara." He pushed himself off of the wall.

She put on a brave front. If she wanted to get him to leave as fast as possible, she couldn't let him see that it bothered her. "Hey, you've been waiting for me? Why didn't you tell me you were coming over?"

She pushed the shopping bags higher in her arms to search for her keys with one hand.

Nick took one bag from her to free one hand completely. "Uhmm, yeah, sorry. I guess I should have called."

They entered her apartment, Nick settling onto one of the bar stools while Sara went to put her groceries away. "So, what brings you here?"

She didn't look at him, focusing on systematically filling her cupboards, but she could feel his eyes on her.

"Sara, I know you don't want to hear it, but I'm really worried about you."

Her movement stilled and she swiveled around to face Nick. She tried to rein in her temper, not wanting to go off at him, but she always felt attacked when it came to her personal life therefore becoming defensive. In this case though, she did not want Nick to know that he had hit a nerve. "I'm fine."

"Yeah, you always say that." He took a deep breath and rounded the counter to stand right in front of her. "I know how private you are and that you're probably just considering where to hide my body, but please…Sara, I'm just worried about you."

The idea about the body did indeed sound appealing right now, but his eyes told her that he really meant it. "Why are you worried? It has been a long time since I've felt down, work is going great and…and I'm trying to 'go out more', as you've titled it. Why do you get worried when I'm…"

She didn't want to say happy. That would tell him more than he needed to know. "…content?"

Nick lowered his head in shame. He had never seen it this way. His thoughts were now in chaos and he needed a moment to recollect. "It's not that I don't want you to be happy, and I know that it sounds like I have it all backwards, but…"

His hands rubbed his temples as he tried to formulate what he wanted to say without offending her. "Something happened that erased the smile on your face. Don't tell me it wasn't about a guy."

Sarcasm was dripping from the last word.

For a moment Sara panicked, thinking that Nick knew about 'this' with Grissom, but one look into his eyes and she knew he was thinking about someone else.

"You're smiling again, and I don't want you to get hurt."

She felt trapped. This was not something she wanted to talk about, or even be reminded of. "Do you think **I** want to get hurt?"

The only thing she felt she could do was lash out. "I'm not good at this relationship stuff and I don't need you or Catherine to complicate things further. I do not want to be hurt. I try to make it work, but you are so hell-bent on figuring me out that you will only help me ruin it."

She didn't care anymore that she was confirming his suspicions or that she was turning her fear into anger and dumping it on Nick. "How sad is it that happiness is a state causes you concern? I know I'm screwed up, but has it really come that far?"

She was still venting, but she was talking more to herself than to him. "I just want to be happy."

Her voice was getting weaker as she got close to crying. "I don't want to get hurt."

She was holding onto a thin thread. She couldn't break down now; not in front of Nick.

"Sara…"

"Just let it go Nick."

An apology from him would change nothing right now, and she didn't want to hear anything else either. She would not cry.

"I know you didn't mean it that way, but could you just accept that I know what I'm doing?"

Nick had fallen silent again, now regretting that he had pressured Sara so much. "I'm happy that you are happy."

He hugged her awkwardly, mostly due to her stiffness, and then he left. He knew that any further word would only cause her more pain.

Sara remained behind, close to tears and wondering what she was supposed to do now.

The only thing she could think of was Grissom.

She picked up her phone and dialed his number.

"Hello?"

"Grissom, I need you."

TBC


	3. Chapter 3

Growing Together

Part 3

Summary: It's finally Sara's turn to explain some things.

A/N: I decided to leave the actual story out, because I think JF and the writers did it so beautifully on the show that everyone has a clear picture.  
Also, I should have more time now to write, which means that I will update regularly again. Thanks to Ace and Samantha.

xxxxx

By the time Grissom arrived at her apartment, Sara had been able to pull herself somewhat together. She was still shaken, but at least she had regained control.

However, as she opened the door for Grissom, he could see immediately what he had heard on the phone: Sara looked lost.

His first thought was to hurt Nick for hurting her, but he knew that wouldn't help anyone.

He opened his arms, enveloped Sara in a hug, moving her a bit further into the room, and kicked the door shut behind him. This was not something for prying eyes. "Sara?"

She mumbled something unintelligible and buried herself deeper into his chest.

He let his hands wander over her back up to her neck, rubbing her muscles gently to ease some tension, but Sara did not relax the slightest bit. On the contrary, he could swear the tension was only mounting.

"Let's sit down." He steered her over to the couch and lowered both of them, still holding onto her.

Not knowing what else to do, he waited for her to speak again. When she did, her voice was so soft that he almost didn't hear it. "I don't deserve to be happy."

Sara still had her head buried in his neck, but he was sure he must have misunderstood her. Why would she say that?

"What did you say?"

Finally, she sighed and pushed herself up to be able to look him in the eye. She tried to clear her throat, but her voice was still shaky. "It's not you who will set this up to fail, it's me. I'm not supposed to be happy."

She refused to let the tears that were building up fall. She had to do this for him.

Grissom couldn't understand how she could think something like that. As angry as he was at Nick right now, he couldn't imagine that he would say something like that to her. This had to come from somewhere else. "Sara, that is not true. Why would you think that?"

She pulled back further, not being able to stand having him so close any longer. If she got it all out, his touch would most likely never return anyway. He would not want her anymore. "You will think differently once you know."

Sara stood up, pacing behind the armchair a couple of times before she took a seat a safe distance from Grissom.

"Know what?"

She knew he was confused, but she couldn't help but drag it out. This was not something she wanted to talk about, even though it was necessary. She had known that this weekend couldn't last forever and she hated that it had to end this way.

She couldn't even blame Nick for it. It had to happen sooner or later.

She had tried to prepare herself for it, and yet, she was not prepared at all. "About me. About my life."

Grissom was more alert now. Her odd behavior worried him. The thought of losing her made his heart constrict and his brain pause. He wished she would just get it over with.

"You've told me about yours, and I thought that would make this easier for me, but it doesn't. Do you know that everyone is concerned now that I'm finally happy? Apparently sad, angry, frustrated and depressed is normal for me."

The statement lacked her usual sarcasm and that worried him. Her quiet dejection told him more than he wanted to know; she was slipping away. He had to do something.

He knew she was not in a state to accept any kind of comfort. It had to come from her. He slid closer to her and placed his right hand palm up on his thigh, showing her that he was there if she needed anything.

"I hadn't realized that I have lost 'my smile' or that it had gotten so bad. Only when Nick called me on it did I notice that it had started to take me over."

Sara's eyes were focused on his hand as if it held all the answers. Only it didn't, and the only thing she could do now was search deep inside her to find the answers to her problems. Grissom was just someone to accompany her on her journey, in the best-case scenario.

"My past is catching up with me. I wanted to tell you soon, not like this, but I don't have a choice."

She took a deep breath and wet her lips before she continued. "You were generous when you shared yourself with me."

Her hand folded into his. "I really want to do the same. I'm just afraid you won't want to hear this."

Grissom wanted to object, but a squeeze of his hand stopped him.

"I know you want to hear it, but you might not want to 'hear' it. This is really hard, but I want you to understand why what Nick said is true."

By now, Grissom was scared. He was past worried now; he was scared for Sara. Her introduction did not bode well and his imagination was running wild with all of the possibilities. None of them were particularly likeable.

"There was a time when I didn't smile at all. A couple of years actually. At that time, I didn't think I would ever again. One day just changed everything."

xxxxx

Sara was exhausted.

She had told Grissom.

Grissom had remained silent when she was done, just as she had when he had told her his story. He was waiting for her to make the first move, to indicate that she was ready to enter the world again.

He had taken it hard, as expected; she could see that. His free hand balled into a fist so hard that he would probably have imprints of his nails, his back had gone rigid, his breath had hitched, and his eyes had gone so cold that the whole room felt like it was freezing when the story had hit its peak.

Underneath his calm exterior was a man with incredible passion and force. A hint of that potential was sometimes visible at a particular intense crime scene, showing how deep his feelings ran. Hearing about her past had made him angry; not at her, but at the world and the ones that had done this to her. Usually she automatically reacted to angry men with aggression on the outside and fear on the inside, but she knew this anger would never be directed at her.

Only by reminding herself of that was she able to remain calm and focus on her own feelings again.

She couldn't really say how it made her feel to have told her story. Of course, she was relieved that she had finally told someone. The burden was still there, but maybe some things would get easier. But only if Grissom was ready to accept her as she was. Maybe, over time, she would be able to put it all behind her so she could live her life without thinking about it every day.

Mixed with relief was fear.

Fear that now that she had let it out, she wouldn't be able to close that door again.

Still, there was more to it. Pain at the reality of her memories. A feeling of loss at what had happened. Worry about how things would go on, how it would affect her current life.

All the while, Grissom was silent, trying to work past his own feelings to be able to support her. His anger would not help her at all.

When he had himself under control, he gave her hand a light squeeze and looked up to seek out her eyes.

At first, she refused to lift her eyes from the sight of their joined hands, but when she felt his gaze not wavering for one second, she looked up. What she saw there was not what she had expected. Grissom confirmed the truth of it with words. "Sara, I've never met a stronger person. I know that you're not ready to discuss this further, but let me just tell you this: I admire your strength and ability to live with this. You're so generous and caring, it amazes me every day."

Sara had to swallow the lump in her throat and the tears that just wouldn't stop coming these days.

This was the side of Grissom that she had only gotten glimpses of, the side that had always given her hope. Grissom was really saying these things to her, and although she wasn't so sure about the truth in them, she loved him even more for his faith in her. She could tell he really believed it.

There was still a lot they had to talk about, but for now, she wanted to accept his words.

He was not running away or turning away from her; no, Grissom was sticking with her and wasn't the least bit deterred by the problems that they would be facing.

Sara looked at him, seeing him and his feelings, and suddenly the distance which she had previously needed seemed too much. She needed him right now.

Without thinking about it much more, Sara stood up and bridged the short distance, falling into his embrace. She felt him maneuver her until she was sitting in his lap and he was holding on tight.

This time she did not cry.

The warmth of his body, his breath in her hair and the rhythmic breathing of his heart lulled her into a state of relaxation. The exhaustion was weighing down on her. She closed her eyes, letting go of everything that plagued her mind for the moment, and focused solely on Grissom's presence.

Right before she dropped off into an exhausted sleep, she mumbled, "Love you."

And then she was out like a light.

She did not feel Grissom moving, picking her up and carrying her into the bedroom, nor did she hear him reciprocate her sentiment when he lay down beside her and followed her to sleep.

TBC


	4. Chapter 4

Growing Together

Part 4

Summary: The morning after.

A/N: See, I told you I would update more regularly. Sorry that some of you felt cheated that I left out Sara's tale, but I thought that the way they told it on the show was great and I didn't want to change the facts, but I hope that you still like my story.

xxxxx

One look at the clock told him that they had slept for almost six hours. Sara was still curled up to him.

When the sleep had been shaken off and he watched her, anger welled up in him again. How could this have happened to her?

In his rational mind he knew that it could happen to anyone. Children in such situations were always innocent bystanders and never had a choice. Sara had had no choice.

He had to do something about that anger, had to expunge part of it somehow. If not for him then for Sara. She didn't need his anger while trying to deal with her own feelings.

He also knew he had to say something, suggest that maybe she should seek professional help if she felt like she couldn't deal with it. That would be a problem. Sara was proud and often didn't want to need the help of others.

For now, he decided to postpone all decision in favor of taking care of his and her immediate well-being. His stomach was rudely reminding him that he hadn't eaten since yesterday evening and neither had she. The breakfast they had planned had been postponed with the arrival of Nick and now his body protested the missed meals.

He didn't know if Sara would be able to eat anything when she woke, but he decided to make breakfast with whatever Sara had bought earlier.

Carefully, he extricated himself from underneath her body, hoping she would not wake up.

xxxxx

It was the smell of brewing coffee that lured Sara out of bed. Grissom had been careful not to make any sounds, but he hadn't counted on her olfactory sense.

At first, she was a little bit disoriented, not really remembering what had happened that morning or why she still had all of her clothes on, but then awareness seeped into her. This morning she had told Gil Grissom everything…and he had not left her.

Her fears had been unjustified, but feelings were always stronger than any rationality. Grissom was still here.

Of course that did not make it all go away; her problems would remain, but she did not feel quite as imprisoned by them.

Another wave of aroma floated into the bedroom, and Sara hurried to get out of yesterday's clothes and into something more comfortable before she headed into the kitchen.

Grissom was facing away from her, but the way his shoulders pulled up for a second indicated that he had sensed her presence. He confirmed this by speaking. "Good morning. How are you feeling?"

He turned slightly and smiled, wanting to reassure her.

"Exhausted, but better." She moved closer to him, and when he didn't react, she pressed herself against his back and wrapped her arms around his middle.

To see what he was doing, she peeked over his shoulder, making him shiver when her breath grazed his neck. He was cutting some of the fruit she had bought, arranging it artfully on a plate. "I thought you might be hungry."

Sara grinned, and her hand shot forward to steal a slice of banana, which found its way to her mouth over Grissom's shoulder.

"Guess I was right." Grissom murmured more to himself than to her, but Sara heard and grinned.

Impulsively, she turned her head and kissed his neck, not able to resist the temptation. Once more, Grissom shuddered and Sara could see him grip the knife tighter. She realized that now was not the time for this, especially not when there was a possibility that he could hurt himself.

To avoid further conflict with him, she extricated herself from him. "I'm going back to take a quick shower. Think the food will be okay until then?"

Grissom swallowed hard, still not moving, but then he nodded. Only when Sara was out of his sight did he relax.

xxxxx

During the leisurely breakfast they stayed away from any topic related to that morning. Both knew that they would have to discuss things further before going back to work. Sara would have to face Nick, and to patch their friendship, this issue had to be worked out.

They took their time filling their empty stomachs, but when Sara had finished and pushed her plate away, they knew it was time for another talk. If this hadn't been so important, one of them would have backed out, thrown by the intensity level their relationship had reached.

Neither wanted to hurt the other. They wanted to help.

"We both don't really want to," Sara was the one to start, "but I know I messed up."

Grissom knew that he couldn't let her go down that road. He did not want her to throw everything away just because some people were far too curious for their own – and the other's – good. "Sara, you did not mess up. I just wanted to discuss our options for making the whole situation more comfortable."

Grissom pushed the plates out of his way to reach for Sara's hand. "Let's take this over there."

He led her away to sit on her couch, never letting go of her hand.

"But that's how I see it. I behaved unprofessionally, so unprofessionally that the others noticed my strange behavior. And I lost it with Nick. I practically told him I was seeing someone. Besides that, the way I told him…"

Sara lowered her head and her hair cascaded over her face, hiding a wave of new tears from Grissom. Not that he needed to see them; it was enough to hear her voice. He moved closer to her so that their bodies touched.

"But that's not the worst of it. What matters most is what you think about me now. Are you sure you still want to be here? With me?" Sara couldn't understand why Grissom smiled at her, and for a second she felt her other feelings substituted with anger, but she knew that he was not laughing at her.

"We are a pair. I can't believe I ever doubted that we had common ground. We are both so insecure. It's tragic, really. And what's more, I think the only way we can overcome this is by making a positive with two negatives." He pushed her hair back just to see her smile shyly. "I know I have a history of backing out, but this time I won't. We'll sort this out."

When Sara heard the conviction in his voice, she sighed and leaned into him. "How do you propose we go about it?"

His arms came up around her, wanting to comfort her. "Well, about me, you don't have to worry. It hurts to know what you've been through, but that won't change the fact that…"

There it was again, the hesitation. This time he was determined to push through. Sara needed to hear this. "…that I love you."

He needed to keep saying it to make it flow more easily.

"I know you don't want pity. You took my story, which is not much compared to yours, in stride. I have a problem with yours, that is true. Not because of you, but the thought that you were hurt in this…"

"I didn't take your 'life' in stride. And it's not nothing. It's important to you, so it's important to me." Sara cut him off. She had lifted her head and was now staring into his eyes defiantly.

"Honey, we can talk about me again if you want, but right now I want to focus on you. Is that alright?"

She searched for something in his eyes, and when she found it, she nodded.

"Sara, have you ever talked to someone about it?"

When she nodded and then shook her head, he raised his eyebrow in confusion.

"Well, I went to one or two shrinks, but I just couldn't talk about it. The first time social services sent me, but I refused to talk. You know how I feel about spilling my guts, and I wasn't any different then."

The thought of the exasperated shrink made her smile a bit despite the gravity of the situation. "I tried again during college, but I couldn't get past the introduction."

Grissom could relate to that. Talking about something like that in front of anyone would be almost impossible for him as well. But times had changed. "I don't want to push you into anything, but maybe you could consider getting outside help. But it's your decision."

Sara nodded, indicating that she would at least think about it.

"I will never lose my respect for you, especially not because of anything like this."

When a tear rolled down her cheek, he bent forward to kiss it away. His lips traveled down further until they reached her mouth, showing her how much she meant to him. They reveled in the physical intimacy and drew strength from each other. The knowledge that 'this' was not going to break that easily anymore added to that building strength.

They pulled away with regret, but this conversation was not finished.

The hope that had returned to Sara wavered when she remembered that there was still the problem with her friend. "What am I going to do about Nick?"

She shivered at the thought of a renewed confrontation.

"Do you want to tell them about us? Explain everything?" It would complicate things, but if that's what it would take for Sara to make peace with Nick, then he was ready to take that step.

Sara looked away, trying to think it through logically. What would be the best way to handle this?

Grissom kept her in his arms, waiting silently and letting her think. He was surprised when she spoke not too much later. "We agreed to keep this quiet because we didn't want to share this too soon. That hasn't changed for me. I slipped, but Nick doesn't know the details."

She was shaking a bit, remembering the fight and at the same time imagining what effects could arise if word about their relationship got out too soon.

"Sara, if you want to tell Nick or the others, if that lightens some of the pressure on you, we can do that."

"It's not that I don't trust Nick, but there's so much at stake here." She willed him to understand that she was still a bit insecure.

The years she had spent fighting to hang on, hoping that one day they would find a way to make it work, had worn her down.

"You don't trust me." The statement was flat, and although he didn't pull away physically, she could feel him recede mentally.

She gripped his hand tighter. Although that was not completely true, Sara knew that it was at least part of the problem. "No, that's not true. I do trust you."

"But?"

"But, I don't…I'm scared that this is too fragile right now to draw the focus away." She fell silent for a moment, collecting her thoughts to make it easier for him to understand. "Grissom, I've never trusted anyone like I do you."

She tugged on his hand, making him look into her eyes. She wanted him to see the truth there. "I trust you."

Grissom nodded slowly, giving her at least an indication that she had his attention. "Our relationship is very special. It took us a long time to finally get where we are now. I don't trust the fact that it seems so easy right now. What happens if we'd go ahead and bring other people into the equation? We do need to work on this, us some more before we do anything else."

He was returning to her, she could feel it. "I trust you. And I want to be with you, and the best way to do this is by working on us, and only us."

Silence fell over them. Sara had said her part, now it was up to him.

A smile brushed over her face when she realized that a few months ago, this would have been impossible. They were talking, really talking, about essential things like trust and love without skirting around the issue and making it an abstract model. This was only about them and it was working.

Grissom had needed some time to sort through everything Sara had brought up, but he knew she was right. "I think you're right. We're still struggling, although we tend to push that to the back of our minds."

He reached up and brushed his fingers over her cheek. "We will focus on us. We need to be more secure with ourselves and our relationship first, and then we can think about telling someone else."

Sara smiled at him, glad that they were on the same page again. She had also gotten the hint he had dropped. Maybe she was right about the state of their relationship and maybe he was right about working through her problems. She would try.

That only left the problem with Nick. "I'm going to have to apologize to Nick. I will tell him that I need more time before I can tell him. Hopefully, he will accept that."

Grissom nodded, and she felt him relax somewhat. Now that they had a plan, they would be able to rest a bit before they had to face the world again.

Grissom turned on the couch and pulled Sara with him so that she was sitting between his legs, leaning back against his chest. When they were finally in a comfortable position, Sara sighed and closed her eyes.

The world could wait.

TBC


	5. Chapter 5

Growing Together

Part 5

Summary: Nick regrets what happens.

A/N: On schedule again ;). Forgiving is not an easy process, so please be patient with me. I will get around to the talk between Nick and Sara, but it will take another chapter or two.

xxxxx

It was thirty minutes before shift started, and Nick was waiting outside in the parking lot for Catherine to arrive. He had to talk to her and stop this.

This morning had been an eye-opener. He had never realized that Sara would be so easily hurt by an intrusion in her personal life. Beneath the tough shell, Sara Sidle was very vulnerable. He never wanted to see her like that again.

Guilt was weighing down heavily on him. He had caused her pain, his best friend. For that, he would never forgive himself.

He shook his head to get away from the image of Sara near break-down, but he couldn't free himself.

At that moment, Catherine pulled into the lot. Nick pushed himself off of his car, wandering over to where his colleague had parked her car.

"Hey Nick, what's up?" she asked as she stepped out, noticing his unhappy expression.

"We've got to stop this."

She looked up from getting her bag out of the car. "Stop what?"

"The thing with Sara!" Nick was still a bit on the edge and it showed.

Catherine lifted her eyebrows, wondering about Nick's nervousness.

"I don't think it's right to pry into her private life like that. When she wants to, she will share." Although he tried to make it sound casual, it was easy to detect that he was hiding something.

"Nick, what's going on?"

"Look, we have no right to pry into someone's life if they don't want to share." He was getting frustrated because Catherine was not backing off. He rubbed the back of his neck to fight off a headache he felt coming.

Catherine's only reaction was a questioning stare.

"Damn it Catherine, just leave her alone. I'll take care of this."

He'd had enough of her stubbornness, so he left her standing in the parking lot, confused.

xxxxx

After having taken a walk to calm down and once again try to figure out what he would say to Sara, Nick entered the breakroom. To his surprise, only Warrick and Catherine were present.

Warrick saw his questioning stare and shrugged his shoulders. "I have no idea where either of them are. Their cars were not in the lot when I arrived."

Immediately, Nick was worried. How hard had Sara taken their fight?

He decided to search for them, starting with Grissom's office. Maybe they had come in by now.

No luck with Grissom's office. The locker room was empty too.

Warrick was right; they were not here yet. He was starting to become really worried, but since he vowed not to intrude anymore, he decided to just wait it out.

He returned to the breakroom and shot Catherine a look of warning when he saw she was about to speak. The picture of Sara's hurt face didn't let him go and strengthened his determination to keep himself and Catherine away from Sara's life.

He realized that Warrick was glancing back and forth between him and Catherine, probably sensing the tension.

Suddenly it became clear to Nick why Grissom preferred Warrick in delicate situations. Warrick knew better than to get into the middle of something. If he and Catherine had a problem, he was not going to get involved. It would only make things worse, and in the end, it would be him in an impossible situation.

Just as Catherine was about to speak, Grissom entered in a hurry.

He didn't even look up, still too busy sorting through the assignment slips.

Catherine now focused on her boss instead of Nick, but he knew this wasn't over.

"You're late!" She was in a bad mood because Nick had tried to tell her what to do and Grissom provided a good target. Besides, she was still mad at him for not telling her what was wrong.

Grissom only looked at her briefly over the rims of his glasses and didn't comment on her accusation. Instead, he looked around and raised an eyebrow upon noticing that Sara was missing.

"Assignments today are as follows…"

xxxxx

Sara arrived at work when Catherine and Nick were just leaving the lab. Grissom and Warrick were getting ready to leave too, but she caught them when they were loading the SUV.

"I'm sorry I'm late. I…"

Grissom held up his hand to stop her, and Sara snapped her mouth shut.

"Attempted robbery at a jewelry store." He stated coldly, making it seem like a punishment.

A couple of month ago it would have been, but today he was trying to give her a reprieve.

They had fallen asleep again and had overslept. Neither had reckoned that they would sleep that long after already having gotten some sleep previously, but apparently their bodies disagreed.

When they had woken up still groggy and noticed that they only had twenty minutes until shift, they panicked until Sara was able to think clearly again.

She calmed Grissom down and came up with their plan. Don't give a reason and act like you're angry with the other.

And that's what they were doing now.

Grissom handed Sara the assignment slip without another word and motioned for Warrick to get into the car.

Sara looked like she was about to tear his head off, and Warrick didn't know who to feel more sorry for. His back turned to both of them as he got into the car, he didn't see Grissom wink at Sara or her answering smile.

They left her standing there, looking sour but smiling inwardly. She retreated to the lab building to prepare for her case.

A robbery was not exactly high profile, especially an attempted one, but today she didn't mind. She wouldn't have to face Nick or Catherine. No one would keep her from doing her job but she herself.

The thought that she needed to avoid them at all was saddening. They couldn't go on like this forever. Sooner or later they would have to come clean with their friends, if only to avoid further conflict.

She was aware that her argument with Nick could have been prevented if he had known about the true state of her relationship with Grissom. However, right now they had other things to work out.

Just because they had talked about some things, didn't mean that everything was okay. Grissom was right about that. They still had a long way to go and they couldn't do that without any help. Their problems were too grave for them to handle alone.

Grissom was right…but now she had work to do.

xxxxx

During the night she saw Nick a couple of times, and she could tell that he wanted to say something, probably to apologize, but he kept his mouth shut, and returned to his work with a nod. It was not really an avoidance tactic, more like he didn't know what to do.

Grissom was still out in the field with Warrick, making her feel a bit alone.

Not only Nick was tense around her; Catherine kept staring at her whenever she bumped into her. It was unnerving and she was waiting for the moment when the other woman would snap and ask her again.

When the clock struck six in the morning, Grissom still hadn't returned, Nick kept up his silence, and Catherine stared at her for the tenth time - Sara couldn't take it anymore.

She retreated to Grissom's office and drew the blinds shut. She needed a plan.

To sort through her jumbled thoughts, Sara picked up a sheet of paper and began to jot down what needed to be done.

Finishing her list, which had gotten longer than she had anticipated, she realized some points would definitely need some time. It required a lot of work, but it didn't seem as impossible to bring a new order to her life like it did a while ago.

Looking at her list, Sara knew this was long overdue, but she didn't have the strength. Now, it was definitely time to change something, and she would have help.

Suddenly, she heard the door open, and when she looked up, she saw Grissom standing in the doorway. He leaned against it, arms crossed in front of him, taking Sara's usual place. "How long have I been gone?"

A smile played around her lips as the irony of the situation hit her. The distance that these positions usually built up between them didn't seem so great anymore.

"I just needed to get away from all the prying eyes. There were some things I had to think about."

He nodded and stepped forward, closing the door behind him.

"I'm done with my case; I swear." Inwardly she cursed herself for still wanting to be his star pupil. Other things were more important right now.

"I wasn't doubting you." Grissom walked over to his desk and put the folder he was holding on it. Instead of waiting for Sara to stand up, he simply took a seat in front of his desk. "Still not talking to Nick?"

Sara shook her head. "I think we need more time. But I _will_ talk to him. Just not today."

Grissom nodded, but kept everything else to himself, acknowledging that this was her decision.

"I, uhm, I made a list that I want to show you when we get home."

He nodded again, and when she felt like everything else had been said with their eyes, she stood up and left the room, smiling at him.

Yes, she had help.

TBC


	6. Chapter 6

Growing Together

Part 6

Summary: Sara shares something important with Grissom.

A/N: I tried very hard to make the list IC and I hope I succeeded. Thanks to Ace for her help.

xxxxx

Sara was more than relieved when she shut her car door. Now she could finally leave the eyes behind.

No one had talked to her directly, but she could almost feel their thoughts. She just wanted everything to be normal again.

As odd as it was, because up until now that was something creating tension, Grissom's cold behavior towards her as a front for the others was the only thing that had felt normal and had given her the strength to remain calm. She definitely was not good at dealing with strained personal relationships.

Sighing, she put the car in gear and started her drive to Grissom's place.

When Grissom had hurried to work last night, she had taken the rest of the time until her own departure by packing up some things to follow him home after work.

He left work first and was probably already home. She had gotten held up in the A/V lab, finishing on some video footage a camera near the scene had provided, thus leaving work about an hour after Grissom. To prevent a repeat of yesterday, she had sent him a message, letting him know that she would be late.

A quick glance to the passenger side where her list was resting and Sara thought ahead to the plans that still had to be made. She had already started working on some points, and it felt good to know that she was moving forward.

The problem was, and that's where she was a bit reluctant, she had to take some time off to really start working through her list. A form was waiting on Grissom's desk for a signature, which was a first for her. She was actually taking a vacation. It was against her nature, but it was necessary, even if she couldn't take time off right away. Grissom had to review the schedules first, and some part of her hoped that he could arrange for some time together. That would not only make her feel better; it would also give them the chance to strengthen their relationship further.

Satisfied with her actions up until now, she felt better knowing that she was taking her life into her own hands to make some necessary changes.

xxxxx

When Sara carried her overnight bag and her backpack with the list inside, she could already smell the food.

On the phone they had agreed on something dinner-like to balance yesterday's lack of it. Grissom had opened the door and had then retreated to the kitchen again, leaving her to guess what he had cooked. Her nose told her that whatever it was, it was meatless.

She would have to talk to him about that, laying down some ground rules that would be acceptable for both of them. He didn't have to go vegetarian just because she was one. It was his choice.

She sniffed again and thought that she could detect onions and basil. She followed the scent to the kitchen and found Grissom standing over the pots, stirring some green leaf vegetable.

"Hey!" She leaned over his shoulder and pecked him on his left cheek.

"You're feeling better?"

"Mmhmmm."

"Good. Food's ready in five minutes. You can change into something more comfortable if you want."

Sometimes she still wondered where he had hidden this considerate homey guy, but she knew he was doing it just for her. This was his way of trying to make it work because he knew how much 'home' meant to her.

His effort made her realize how important the list really was.

He had opened up to her. He had tried hard to overcome the restrictions of his personality to let her in. It was only fair that she did her best to manage her life to make 'theirs' better. He had done the first step, now it was her turn.

She followed his advice to redress, and when she returned, he had already filled their plates, waiting for her.

"Dinner first, then talk?" she asked, although she would have liked to catch some sleep.

Grissom smiled and took a seat. Sara joined him, still not sure what it was exactly that Grissom had cooked. "Spinach cream sauce."

With a smile she dug in.

xxxxx

The kitchen cleaned up, they had taken a seat on the couch when he looked at her expectantly, and she knew what he wanted.

Sighing, she snuggled closer, not really wanting to leave the warmth of his arms. For a few minutes, they just remained as they were, not doing anything but being together. Both of them found comfort in the other's arms.

Finally, Sara knew it would be no use putting it off any longer and went to fetch her list. It had taken her a while to decide whether or not to share, but in the end, she decided that it would show him how important this was to her.

She sat down again next to Grissom, but held the paper away from him. His only response was a lifted eyebrow and an amused smirk as her arm stretched to keep the list out of reach. "Can I say something first?"

The other eyebrow rose to meet the first, and Sara continued. "This is a list I made about what I need to do. It's important."

She brought her hand down and held the paper so Grissom could read it.

_1. Take time off to sort everything out(WIP)_

_2. Get help(WIP)_

_3. Talk to Grissom(WIP)_

_4. Work through all memories_

_5. Clear things up with Nick_

_6. Work on relationships_

_7. Plan for future_

_8. Redecorate apartment_

While he read, Sara went over the single points in her head again. She should have done something like this years ago, but right now these goals seemed more possible than ever before.

Grissom took it all in with a serious expression. He wasn't taking this lightly; she never expected him to do that.

They both knew that it was not only important to Sara; it was also a necessary step in their relationship. Each of them had to develop individually to make for a stable partnership. Now that Grissom saw how serious Sara was about this, he knew he had to start his own process of healing.

When he was done reading, he pulled her closer to him and kissed her temple, smiling slightly. "I get the points one to seven, but what is eight about?"

Sara couldn't tell if he was trying to lift the mood, or if he really had no idea. Knowing Grissom, it was probably the latter. "It's cleansing."

Obviously, he still didn't understand. Judging from their surroundings, he hadn't done any redecoration in a long time. She could feel his eyes following her around and wondered how he perceived his own home.

She didn't need to wonder anymore because Grissom did something completely out of character. "If you're finished with yours, maybe you could help me get a new life into my house?"

His request left her stunned, not knowing what to make of it at first, but then the possibilities started floating around in her head. He wanted her in his life, so much so that he was really opening up his home for her.

This thought invited others, leading to her imagining a point in the future where they would not have to redecorate two but one home. She knew it was too early and that she had to work through most of her list first, but didn't point six include this kind of dreaming?

When Grissom moved, it brought her back from her musings. One look at his face and she knew he was taking her silence as rejection. It also told her that it was not just an empty offer.

She leaned over and pressed her lips to his. Pulling back after a deep and thorough kiss, she sought out his eyes once more and whispered, "I promise your bugs can stay."

Grissom relaxed and tightened his arm around her to pull her closer. "They will be grateful to hear that."

A small laugh escaped her, hearing some genuine relief in his voice, although she didn't know why he had doubted her. Yes, she did not like it when they pulled a body with bugs, and there were things more fun than racing roaches, but that was a part of him. She had known that he loved his bugs from the day they met, and she would never try to change that. As long as he didn't let them run around the house, she was fine. She didn't have to love them – she never would – but she could tolerate them and indulge him.

They snuggled some more before Sara began to get up.

Grissom didn't want to let her go and tugged on her arm to keep her from leaving him.

"Shower!" she whined, giving him a pleading look.

He considered her wish before letting her go.

With a smile, she kissed him again. "I really need a shower and some sleep. In that order."

Grissom nodded and stared after her as she sauntered off in the direction of his bathroom.

It wasn't long before he followed her.

TBC


	7. Chapter 7

Growing Together

Part 7

Summary: There's a cloud on the horizon.

A/N: Since my hit counter isn't working I have no idea how well the last chapter was received. I hope I'm on the right path with Sara's list. I'm also wondering if I should incorporate Amelia and her family in this story again. Any ideas?

xxxxx

Grissom woke up first after having slept not even four hours. He wondered what had woken him since he was still tired.

One look at the other person in bed told him the answer. Sara had hogged all of the covers, leaving him without any protection. She was wrapped tightly in the blankets and Grissom wondered whether she was just cold or if there was a deeper meaning attributed to it. Were the last two days so had that even in her sleep she needed protection?

He decided to leave her like that and went to find another blanket. His hallway closet produced a nice warm wool blanket, but he was suddenly drawn to the living room. Although he had wanted to return to his bed and Sara, there was something pulling at him, leading him in the other direction until he stood in front of his couch table.

There it was - Sara's list.

He sat down and picked it up, sliding his fingers over the starched material, tracing the words she had written.

Again, he noticed that there was something at the bottom of the sheet that Sara had erased. Whatever it was, she wasn't ready to face it. He would respect her decision, but couldn't help wondering what it was. It would be simple to do a quick test in QD, but he would never actually do that. Sara hadn't wanted him to know; she probably didn't know what to do with that particular problem herself. There were things that couldn't be put into words.

A wave of sadness swept over him and mixed with the tenderness he felt for Sara. They had both been through something that no child should have to endure, Sara more than him, and that made them what they were today: insecure, vulnerable, saddled with a lot of baggage and shy regarding relationships.

Sara had made an important step on the road of recovery. If he wanted to be there for her, wouldn't he have to work on his own problems?

Just like on the list, there were some things he needed to do to be able to leave everything behind and look forward without the fear of it coming back to haunt him. As much as he wanted to show her he was serious, he didn't feel ready to write everything down.

Thinking about Sara, he glanced over to the bedroom, but everything was quiet. She seemed to be getting more sleep lately, and he wondered why he always woke up first.

Those were idle thoughts to distract him from making a decision about the list.

His mind began to wander. Their relationship was still new, but wasn't it time to talk to his mother? He wanted her to meet Sara.

How would their friends react once they found out? How would the powers that be react?

Their future held so many uncertainties that his head began to ache.

Determined not to let this get to him enough to make him panic and do something stupid, he tried to steer his thoughts into another direction.

He picked up one of his forensic journals and began to read.

xxxxx

A slight touch on his cheek and the feel of fingers running through his hair woke him later.

He had fallen asleep over one of his journals as he had obviously not been rested enough. When he opened his eyes now, he could see Sara kneeling in front of the couch. He would have expected a smile, but all he got was a serious, pondering frown.

To see her better, he turned onto his side. "What's bothering you?"

His voice sounded odd, still heavy with sleep, but the message seemed to startle her and she pulled back. Her hands left his body, and for a second he thought she would bolt.

She didn't, but she kept her distance. "We need to get up. Bathroom, food, work."

She smiled at him, but he could tell that it was forced.

The whole scene was confusing to him. Why was Sara behaving so strangely?

"Sara?" he tried again, but she ignored him and left him lying on the couch.

Staring after her, he wondered if something had happened. He didn't recall hearing one of their phones or the doorbell; he wouldn't have slept through that.

The thought didn't let him go until Sara emerged from the bathroom. She passed him without another word and moved about in the kitchen.

Right now, her whole posture was screaming 'defensive,' so he opted to give her more time to work through whatever was bothering her and left to get dressed.

What had prompted this change in her? When they went to bed, everything seemed fine.

For once, his mind couldn't solve a problem, and Sara would not make it easy for him to get to the bottom of this.

xxxxx

Being together was strained well into their working hours.

In fact, Sara seemed to become even more distanced when he paired her with Warrick. She stalked off, leaving before Grissom had finished handing out the assignments.

He paired himself with Nick and left Catherine to work on her own. He was not quite ready to face Catherine and Nick seemed to be in a quiet mood, probably still feeling bad about his argument with Sara. Not to mention that Catherine would start questioning him as soon as an opportunity would present itself, and he feared that she would see it all considering his current distraction. When she wanted to, Catherine was like a dog with a bone; she just wouldn't quit.

Letting her go solo also ensured that she wouldn't bother Sara, although he himself was dying to find out what was wrong. Yet, he was not desperate enough to bring in Catherine.

The case he and Nick worked progressed rather well, but he could not get Sara out of his mid. One look at Nick and Grissom knew that Nick sensed that he was not really there. Being the man that he was, Nick didn't comment on it, but the worry was clear in his eyes.

For someone who wasn't used to being attached to such a large group of people who cared about him, it was hard for Grissom not to give into the urge to flee and hide. His team cared, and besides the feeling of discomfort, he was also relieved that he was not alone.

Grissom shook his head, not wanting Nick to become any more suspicious, dislodging his current thoughts. They were at a crime scene and he had to focus on that.

xxxxx

"Hey, Gil." Brass was standing in the doorway of one of the labs, not daring to enter.

Who knows what kind of experiment Grissom was performing this time. If it was something explosive, messy or possibly damaging to the body, he didn't want to get too close.

"There haven't been any results. It might take a while." He only looked up once and then focused back on his work.

"Yeah, that's not what I'm here for. Not primary anyway."

Now Grissom did look up again, wondering what Brass was getting at. Usually he didn't drag.

"Would you like to go for some drinks after work? It's been awhile." His trademark sarcasm was back, and he seemed satisfied that Grissom was sufficiently distracted from his work.

"I can't."

Brass was not put off by such a rejection and raised his eyebrow as a sign of skepticism. "Come on, work can wait."

He tried to goat his friend, but Grissom didn't bite. He wanted to go back home with Sara. He needed to find out what was bothering her.

"I can't."

The force of his second rejection of Brass' plans signaled to Jim that this conversation was over. Once Grissom had made his mind up, there was no convincing otherwise. It would be no use trying any further, and Brass knew that.

He retreated, giving his friend one last glance, but Grissom was already looking down the microscope again.

xxxxx

By the end of shift, Grissom's mood had sunk low; low enough that he had snapped at Greg. That hadn't happened in a while.

Sara was avoiding him. Warrick had been the one to update him on their case. It frustrated and worried him.

Now at the end of shift, he was wandering through the halls, looking for Sara. He didn't find her.

The only one who was still around was Warrick, who was writing up his part of the report.

"Warrick, have you seen Sara?"

The younger man stared at Grissom for a few seconds, probably trying to figure out the reason why he was looking for Sara. Whatever he had seen, he must have found it satisfactory. "She's already gone. She and Nick wanted to go and have some dinner together."

Grissom stood rooted in place, his heartbeat accelerating. She had just left without telling him.

Yes, they were still autonomous persons who didn't need to spend every minute together, but why didn't she at least tell him that she already had other plans?

He could feel his heart racing, his emotions spinning out of control. This was exactly what he had been afraid of: the loss of control. And Sara was the cause of all this.

He turned and left the room without another word to Warrick, leaving the other man confused about the strange behavior of his boss. Grissom's mind was racing, and his feet moved on his own towards the exit.

As he threw his bag into the backseat of his car, he remembered Jim's offer.

A drink, or possibly a few drinks, were exactly what he needed right now. He pulled his cell phone out and dialed.

"Brass."

"Does the offer still stand?"

TBC


	8. Chapter 8

Growing Together

Part 8

Summary: There comes a time when you have to step outside.

A/N: I hope these conversations are IC and are fitting for the situation. Thanks to Ace for her help.

xxxxx

The diner was packed with people noisily inhaling their breakfasts. Sara tensed up even more at the thought of discussing things in a crowd like this where everybody could listen.

Nick must have seen her reluctance and offered that they could order and take the food somewhere else.

They found a quiet spot in a nearby park.

By an unspoken agreement, neither had brought up going to one of their apartments. She didn't know Nick's reasoning, but she would have felt caged and cornered. She didn't want to risk lashing out at him again. They were here to resolve things.

Sara chewed on her food listlessly, worrying about her pending conversation with Nick and the state of her relationship with Grissom

She had not told him that she was leaving work with Nick. In fact, she had made sure that they were out of the building before Grissom would even come looking for her.

Now, with a bit of physical and emotional distance, she wondered if that was the right decision. Had she overreacted?

Sara forced herself to eat a few more bites, knowing that her energy supply would thank her later even if it was rebelling now, but then she called it quits and waited for Nick to finish. First she would sort this out, and then it was time to face Grissom.

Before she could worry further about Grissom, Nick pushed his food away, also anxious to get this over with it.

He sighed and decided to make the first step. "I'm sorry. I know that's not worth much right now, but I really mean it."

He expected her to cut him off, but she remained silent. She merely waited for him to continue.

"It was a misplaced effort. I shouldn't have pushed you and I shouldn't have given you the impression that I think you are…unstable."

At this, she gave him a hard stare, and he could see the anger rising in her eyes. To prevent another outburst, he hurried on with his apology. "I had it all wrong. I wanted you to be happy and didn't see that you already are. You can make your own decisions, and the last time you did the hard part. I don't know why I felt the need to intrude although I know perfectly well that it's your life."

He fell silent, having nothing more to say but 'I'm sorry,' and he didn't think she would want to hear that again.

Sara remained quiet, letting his words flow through her head. She believed that they were sincere; Nick was truly sorry.

The thing she was afraid of was that, in the heat of the moment, it would happen again. One thoughtless moment without some necessary information, something similar might occur with the same damaging effects. How much should she divulge to him?

Nick was still watching her, waiting for her to make a decision. Gathering her courage, she finally made one.

"Nick, to make this clear, whatever I tell you, it remains between us. If you so much as breathe a word to somebody else, you'll wish you'd never even met a CSI."

Nick swallowed hard, a bit scared of her. Sara was so passionate about many things and she would find a way to get back at him. He wouldn't put it past her to take a decomp just to drag him with her.

"Crystal," he was whispering, treading carefully.

"I am in a relationship with someone. I kind of already told you that." Her voice had softened, but now something indefinable swung with it.

"It's very recent and still stumbling along on shaky legs. But it's my relationship and no one is allowed in right now. When the time comes, I will introduce you to him, but I decide when. Until then, that is all I'm going to tell you."

She had gained strength towards the end, and she had intimidated Nick enough that he didn't ask for more information. He remained quiet, knowing she wasn't finished.

"Now, about the other thing."

She fidgeted in her seat, feeling more uncomfortable with this revelation than with the first. "I can't tell you much about it, but…I have had a tough time growing up. There weren't a lot of happy times. I have difficulties keeping a positive outlook on the world. That's weird considering the profession I've chosen, but doing something good helps. I can't explain it better, but you have to trust me that I have it under control. There are bad days for everyone; mine are just a bit worse."

She paused briefly, but continued, "I really sound crazy, but I swear I'm not."

Her hand gripped his over the table, whether to reassure him or her, she wasn't sure. "Everything's okay."

Despite her own vow to be honest with him, the last part was a lie. A lie that she hadn't wanted to admit to herself.

xxxxx

After the second glass, Grissom's tongue was getting loose, but not loose enough to open his heart. Brass had been able to gather some information, though, after showing enormous patience.

Grissom's first bad mood after days of peace had nothing to do with work. It was about his personal life.

"There is some…thing that's confusing me," he had said.

The short pause told Brass that he had meant to say 'someone,' and 'someone confusing' usually only meant one person. Grissom was in trouble with Sara again.

That called for more drinks.

They had agreed not to do this in Jim's office. If it was to become more than one drink, the department didn't need to see this. Grissom had refused to go to his house that's why they were now sitting in Brass' living room, gulping down another drink. At least that was what Gil was doing while he was only sipping on his drink. Someone needed to keep a clear head.

When Grissom looked a little bit spaced out, Brass knew it was time to find out a bit more about what was bothering his friend. Soon there would be no coherent sentences anymore.

The thing that usually worked best was directness. "What did she do this time? Or…what did _you_ not do?"

Grissom's head snapped back and he stared at Brass. This was the look of a man who was caught in the act.

"Which one is it?" Brass made it his point not to look at him, rather watching the liquid swirl around his glass. If he looked his friend in the eyes, he would clam up. Grissom was good at interrogating people, but you could not turn the table around

"If I knew." He really didn't, but Grissom did know that had just broken the agreement he and Sara had reached. Quickly, he gulped down the rest of his drink and refilled his glass.

Brass thought he'd had enough, but he knew that a word from him wouldn't stop the other man. It appeared that despite the amount of alcohol Grissom had already consumed, he knew what he was doing. He was trying to get smashed.

Another few sips and he started talking again. "Everything seemed fine and then suddenly she gives me the cold shoulder."

Brass had a few nice retorts that came to his mind, but for once, he decided to keep them to himself. Grissom would stop talking, and he needed more information to draw a complete picture.

"She hasn't spoken to me since. I don't know what went wrong. What did I do?"

Now, Brass had to bite his tongue not to let on what he was thinking. On some level, he felt that Grissom deserved what he got, but he also didn't want to see someone he called his friend in this kind of emotional pain.

"She shut me out and ran away." The tone had changed and Grissom had slipped into self-pity.

Brass had to do something. Keeping quiet was not going to do it anymore. Grissom had no right to pity himself. He had dug his own hole. "Now you know how she felt."

As if he had been slapped, Grissom recoiled. The words failed him, leaving him open for another blow, but Brass left it at that.

Neither man had used a name, but it had been clear who they were talking about. By knowing his secret, Brass had already crossed a line.

Now that Brass had defended Sara, Grissom didn't know what to say anymore. It hurt to hear the truth. Although Brass' words were neutral on the surface, he felt the sting behind them, telling him he was a bastard because of the way he had treated Sara in the past. It saddened him that he had sunken so low in his denial, and he vowed that he would make it up to her.

Maybe that was what was wrong with her. His mind couldn't come up with another solution, but this one sounded just as wrong as all the others. Why would it have emerged just now, now that she was determined to make progress in her life?

The ache in his heart was now accompanied by a headache. To drown everything out, he swallowed the rest of his drink and stared out the window.

Noticing his absence, Brass decided that now was a good time to insert some unsolicited advice. Not that he had any right to, but he couldn't leave the other man on his own. "If it's any consolation, I don't think that's the reason why she turned the cold shoulder on you."

That made Grissom look up, although he still seemed to be far away.

"Knowing you two, it was something unintentional, which would have been nothing with anyone else."

Grissom retreated a bit further, mulling over Brass' words. However, he still couldn't come up with a possible reason, even as he relived everything that had happened from going to bed until he noticed that something was bothering Sara.

"How am I supposed to find out then?" He sounded so terribly helpless that Brass was hard pressed not to feel sorry for him.

Having problems in a relationship was nothing unusual, even Gil Grissom wasn't spared that. Or maybe it was worse because he was who he was. "Talk to her."

When Grissom didn't react, Brass knew it was time and walked over to the phone. He dialed a number, and when he heard the click and the name as a greeting, he spoke. "I think I have something you would like to pick up."

TBC


	9. Chapter 9

Growing Together

Part 9

Summary: Sara and Grissom have to face the aftermath of their night apart.

A/N: Sorry for being late, but my graphic card decided to quit working. No computer for 4 days, which made me late. The next part will be up around New Year's Eve.

Have a nice Christmas.

xxxxx

Driving over to Jim's house, Sara was angry. She had to remind herself not to let the anger take control because she was driving and she could easily end up in a crash if she didn't stay focused. Still, the anger was there; anger at Grissom for doing something stupid.

She didn't know the details, but to have Brass call her to pick him up at his house told her that things were not good.

When she slammed her door shut in front of Brass' house and walked up to the house, she didn't even have to knock. Brass opened the door before she had reached it, probably alerted to her presence by the slamming of the door. To her surprise, he held up his hands and kept her from entering. In her anger, she didn't feel very cooperative and only glared at Brass, waiting for an explanation.

He sighed, knowing she wasn't going to make this easy. "Let me explain before you go and rip his head off. Please."

For good measure, Sara crossed her arms in front of her chest and kept glaring. She would wait and hear what Jim had to say, but she couldn't make any promises.

"First off, he didn't tell me. I had already figured it out."

Despite the seriousness of the situation, it was clear that Brass was proud of that fact.

Sara, on the other hand, was shocked and angry that Grissom hadn't been able to hide it, but then an odd sense of calm overcame her. The world didn't end just because Brass knew. They had other problems to worry about right now.

"He was in really bad shape and he knocked back a few drinks."

Hearing that, Sara tried to charge past Brass into the house. Her anger had mixed with concern, and she wanted to see for herself how bad it really was.

"He thinks that it's already getting to be too much for you, that he might be holding you back."

Now she was really confused. She had thought _he_ needed space and wanted an out. After all, last night he had slept on the couch. And Brass was telling her now that he thought _she_ was backing off.

She took a few deep breaths to calm down and focus her thoughts. Had her mind tricked her?

Grissom had been sleeping on the couch. When she had woken up and found the bed next to her empty, she had been worried. The rational part of her mind had told her it was nothing, but she couldn't help feeling hurt that he never seemed to be there when she woke up. The question that followed was, 'was he backing away because it had become too intimate?' Was it too much?

She had wandered out into the hallway to see him lying on the couch sleeping. Her first thought had been that he looked adorable: glasses in his hand, the other folded over an open magazine, his face relaxed. But suddenly, other thoughts had taken over. He was sleeping out there, on the couch, away from her and he looked relaxed. Her thoughts had started spinning and the rational part of her mind had taken flight.

Had she been wrong?

As she looked in Brass' eyes, she saw hope that she would be able to work this out.

They had promised to be honest with each other. Grissom would have been plagued by guilt if he hadn't told her that he was feeling overwhelmed. There was no way he could have slept so peacefully. More than that, he had looked happy when he saw her.

She _had_ overreacted.

His distanced behavior afterwards could be explained as a reaction to her aloofness.

Two days, they couldn't last two days without causing trouble. It wasn't him who had to explain and apologize - it was her.

Then she remembered that he was most likely drunk, and her anger rose again. She would not rip his head off, but she would make it clear that some drinking pity party was an absolute 'No' from now on. At least one of them needed a cool head if the other was doing crazy things.

Brass had remained quiet while she had analyzed the situation, but when she turned to go in, he spoke again, "I'll wait out here. But don't take too long or I'll have to call for back up because of a 419."

She wondered if he thought that was a real possibility, but then dismissed the thought. Nothing would happen.

xxxxx

Sara entered Brass' living room with caution, not knowing what to expect. She spotted Grissom immediately, and to her great relief he did not appear to be a drunken wreck. His eyes were closed so she couldn't really tell if he was awake or not. Almost undetectably his body tensed when she took one step closer, telling her that he was still alert.

Carefully, she moved towards him, sitting down beside him when he didn't acknowledge her presence. She waited for him to make a move, any move, but he kept his eyes closed.

After what seemed like an endless moment, Sara moved her hand to hover over Grissom's thigh. She didn't dare to touch him, too afraid of his reaction.

Suddenly, he moved, turning a bit to face her, bumping against her. Although she was sitting down, her automatic reaction was to get a hold on something. One hand gripped the couch while the other lowered reflexively to his thigh.

At this moment when contact was made, Grissom finally opened his eyes and stared at her. His eyes seemed to be going in and out of focus until they had adjusted to the light and the closeness of her body.

She could see that the alcohol had taken its toll on him, but he appeared lucid enough to follow an apology.

"You're angry." Resignation tainted his voice, which was also rough from alcohol.

"No, well, yes. But that's not the point." Feeling better now that he wasn't ignoring her anymore, she squeezed his thigh to show him that she was really not angry.

"I'm disappointed that you felt the need to do this. I'm angrier at myself."

He sat up a bit straighter, more alert now.

"I'm sorry. I misinterpreted our situation."

Sara saw that he was struggling. Right now he was still alert, but his attention was waning. She had to hurry and get him home.

"You don't have to explain, just let me tell you what I thought when I found you on the couch. You weren't with me…in bed. I thought you felt suffocated and needed some space but didn't dare tell me that. I got angry without reason and didn't ask you to clarify that. I'm sorry." She finished with a deep breath before she would drift into more explanations and go over his inebriated head.

However, his last clear thoughts seemed to have left him, leaving him confused, unable to understand what she was saying. "I did nothing wrong?"

"Besides drinking more than you can take, no." She smiled at him, giving his thigh another squeeze.

"But…"

"No, let's leave it at that for now. We can work it all out tomorrow." Sara stood up, hoping to end this conversation now.

Judging by Grissom's dropping eyelids, it would be no use. She should get him home to his bed. "Promise me I will wake up with you."

He looked at her with wide eyes, nodding his consent. She felt a bit guilty because she didn't think his mind was still able to process anything.

With a strong pull, she got Grissom to his feet. They called Brass in and left, Sara promising to give him a call after a good sleep to let him know they were alright.

xxxxx

Grissom was out before his head hit the pillow. He must have drunk more than she had thought, which caused her anger to flare up again. Why had he drunk so much? Wouldn't have one shot been enough?

She knew that those were stupid thoughts – from her own experience. Drinking had no logic, and she was not innocent in his miserable state.

She forced those thoughts out of her mind and busied herself with undressing Grissom. It was not exactly an unpleasant task, at least if you considered the view she got, but undressing an unconscious man was not an easy feat.

She struggled with his pants and shirt, but in the end, her determination won out. He was finally stripped to his underwear and snug under the blankets a few minutes later.

Sara went through the house and locked everything up again, procrastinating joining him in bed, wanting to keep her distance from him for the time being. All that mattered was that he was there. She could deal with everything else in the evening.

TBC


	10. Chapter 10

Growing Together

Part 10

Summary: Grissom has to deal with the aftereffects of his 'conversation' with Brass.

A/N: I hope you like the resolution of this, because this is just a warm up for something else.

xxxxx

There was water running in the bathroom when Sara woke up.

The bed next to her was still warm but Grissom was not there, again. This time she knew it had nothing to do with her. He had most likely been feeling the aftereffects of the alcohol. As long as he was there and willing to talk, she was okay with him taking the time to clean himself and find out what had happened.

She wanted coffee but was too lazy to get up. She pulled the covers up to her chin, deciding to rest some more. The coffee could wait. Besides, if they were to talk, she would need her strength.

It took another twenty minutes for Grissom to return to the bedroom. She needed him to make the first move. He would have to act.

They remained in their positions for a while, with Grissom staring down at her. She wanted to turn around to see his eyes, but she couldn't. This was all his responsibility.

And he knew it too, because not one minute later, she felt the bed dip behind her as Grissom climbed in beside her again.

"Sara?" The worries and insecurity were hidden by the roughness of his voice after all the alcohol, but she knew they were there.

He was sorry, although she guessed that he remembered only half of what she had said. "I'm sorry for drinking so much."

Slowly, she turned around, looking at him. He looked tired and unwell, which was to be expected, and she refused to feel sorry for him. It had been his decision to drown his sorrows. She just nodded at him, waiting for him to continue. Hopefully he had been lucid enough to know what she expected from him now. He squinted, looking down for a moment.

"Take something for the headache if you haven't already." Those were the first words she had spoken, and they were clearly not what he had expected.

In surprise, he shook his head, indicating that he hadn't taken anything. "Go, I'll be waiting," she told him, as if she were talking to a child.

When he returned to the bedroom, he sat down next to her with his back on the headboard. To give him a break, Sara decided it was time to end his state of confusion. "What do you remember about this morning?"

Grissom looked straight ahead and Sara began to wonder why he wasn't looking at her. "I had too much to drink. I'm sorry."

Sara recognized his avoidance tactic and felt her temper flaring although she tried hard to control it. She sat up straighter and took his hands into hers to keep them from worrying the covers.

This new position made her face him. As soon as he lifted his gaze, she would be able to see his face and his eyes. "You know very well that I'm not talking about the amount of alcohol you have consumed."

Normally this would be the point where either of them backed off, but they had promised each other to change some things.

Grissom seemed to remember their promise as well because he sank a bit into himself, a clear sign that he would no longer put up resistance. "You told me you thought I didn't want to be close to you anymore."

Afraid her voice would give out, she could only nod. She hoped that her silence would not make him want to retreat before they had cleared the air between them.

"I didn't even think about that. I just couldn't sleep, but I guess it caught up with me. It had nothing to do with not wanting to be with you."

Misunderstanding number one solved.

If they had gotten all the facts straight beforehand, this would have been nothing. This was a relatively harmless example of blowing things out of proportion. She had reacted badly, and in turn, Grissom had done something irrational. The consolation was that this was a mostly normal relationship bump in the road.

"I distanced myself because you seemed distanced." He paused briefly, obviously trying to find the right words. "We still have a long way to go to unlearn these automatic responses."

For now, Sara was satisfied with his acceptance of the situation. She only had one more thing to say. "I'm sorry that I reacted so badly without making sure that there was a reason. We have to learn these things together."

Grissom tugged on her hands, pulling her closer to him. Soon she was in his arms, glad that they had been able to deal with this.

xxxxx

Work was much more relaxed that night. The air between Nick and Sara was cleared and Grissom and Sara were able to go back to their normal distanced behavior. Everything was back to normal… almost.

Sara was glad not to be working with Brass but he had found her during one of his breaks. That morning, her whole attention had been focused on Grissom, not at how mad she was at Brass for letting him drink that much.

Knowing Brass, she thought he had probably not only allowed him to drink, he had also encouraged him. She had wanted to talk to him – thank him for taking care of him _and _set him straight for even letting it go that far – but she had needed a break. Taking care of Grissom took a lot of strength out of her.

But Brass had found her, and now she had to deal with him whether she liked it or not. He had asked how it went after they had left and also apologized to her.

"Just promise me to never do that again. One drink or two is fine, but this was way over the top. Don't encourage him." She had nothing more to say, not willing to let that ruin her day.

Brass nodded, apologized again, and went off to apologize to Grissom too.

Glad to have repaired all of her relationships for now, the work didn't seem so gruesome tonight.

xxxxx

They had left work separately. Sara had an appointment. Grissom wanted to use the time apart to clear his head. The after-effects of the day before were still lingering and he needed to think clearly.

Yesterday had made it quite obvious that he had to face his future…with Sara. He knew what he wanted, now he needed to figure out how to get there.

On the way home, he stopped for food. As he was packing stuff into his cart, he realized that he was buying enough for two. He was getting used to Sara's presence, which was one of the things he had to think about.

Where were they going with this?

The memory was hazy, but Sara had told him that she wanted to wake up next to him, of that he was sure. But, considering how sick he had been feeling he'd had no choice but to disappoint her again. The taste in his mouth had disgusted him and he had felt like they wouldn't even need a K9 unit if he got lost. Not to mention the headache he had had. It had been so bad he couldn't stay in bed. He needed a shower, and Sara had woken up alone.

Now, with some time to think, Grissom wondered how serious she had been. Could they already move further?

He decided to keep this thought in mind, but for now, nutrition and rest were more important.

After a quick meal, he went back to bed, taking the side Sara had slept on. It still smelled like her and made it so much easier to fall asleep.

xxxxx

Six hours later, it was his phone that woke him.

By the time he had found the cordless unit, the answering machine had already picked up. Sara's voice rang through the room. "Uhm, I guess you're still sleeping, but I wanted to tell you that everything's fine. My appointment went better than expected and…"

At that moment Grissom had finally found the phone and picked up. "Sara?"

"Oh, hey." Obviously she hadn't counted on him actually answering. "Did I wake you?"

Her confidence seemed to be a bit low, and Grissom wondered if that was the result of her appointment.

"Yes, but my alarm would have gone off in ten minutes anyway, so don't worry." There was no point in lying; Sara would know.

"Sorry, that wasn't my intention. I just wanted to let you know that it went okay. Nothing big, just a warm up." She paused briefly and then she suddenly switched topics. "I was wondering if we could go to dinner before shift."

Grissom was a bit confused. The investigator in him wanted to know more about her visit, but on the other hand, he was too worried about her to push her into talking. He let it go, satisfied with the knowledge that the first step was done.

"Are you still there?"

He had wandered off with his thoughts and hadn't even noticed. "Sorry. Yes, dinner would be nice. When and where?"

They finally agreed on a small restaurant, and although Grissom was happy to spend time with her, he wondered how he should hide that he had some important things on his mind. He needed to sort this out for himself before he talked to her about it.

TBC


	11. Chapter 11

Growing Together

Part 11

Summary: Grissom surprises Sara at the make up dinner.

A/N: This chapter has been heavily discussed (thanks Ace!) and I hope it doesn't feel that I'm rushing things. But after going over it again I feel more comfortable that this is the right step. Please, let me know what you think.

xxxxx

Grissom was already there, waiting for her when she arrived. He looked nervous, but smiled as he saw her, getting up to greet her.

The next few minutes were spent in an uncomfortable silence. Neither of them knew where to start. For Grissom, the time wasn't right, and Sara felt that the things left unsaid were preventing them from relaxing. The day had been hard enough and they didn't need this.

When Grissom decided to burrow himself in the menu, she did so as well, at the same time working on a way to approach things. He was probably doing the same.

Talk, that was important.

A short time later, they had ordered and resumed looking at each other. Sara was still trying to find the best way to start when Grissom had obviously found it.

"Let me apologize again. I'm sorry that I just took your confusion in silence, instead of asking myself if I could change something. I'm sorry that I got drunk past the state of coherence."

She thought he was done when he paused, but he shook his head when she wanted to respond.

"And…I'm sorry that your wish was not fulfilled."

Sara looked at him curiously, not quite remembering what he was talking about. Upon seeing her confusion, he took her hand and elaborated. "You said you wanted to wake up with me. But, I was in the shower and you were alone again."

Her eyes told him that she was remembering, but when she took her time to respond, Grissom wondered if he had missed something. His whole plan depended on the truth of that statement. If he had heard wrong…

"Well," Sara said finally, scaring him even more when she paused again. "We _do_ need to practice that some more."

That was the opening he had been hoping for. He leaned a bit further on the table, getting closer to her. "I'm not sure if we're ready yet, but I've gone over this a hundred times since this morning."

Her eyes went wide - this behavior was new for Grissom. He sounded unsure, but still determined, scared, but trying to gather his courage. What ever it was, it was big.

"This is _not_ an experiment. Whatever you might think, it's not." The vehemence surprised her as much as his words confused her. She didn't even know what he was talking about, but it was a big deal for him.

At this moment the waiter brought their food, stalling any conversation. By now, Grissom was cursing himself that he hadn't waited until after dinner, but now it was too late. He had to ask what he wanted to ask, or neither was going to enjoy the food. If this went wrong, then both of them would lose their appetite. If it went how he hoped it would, the evening couldn't turn out any better.

But first, he had to ask.

"What you said made me think. About waking up with me," he clarified once he saw that she wasn't following his jumps in logic.

"Would you…like to…find a more permanent solution to this situation?"

Sara pulled back, taking her hand from his. His first reaction would have been to take that as a rejection, but they had just dealt with one miscommunication. He faced her head on and steeled himself in case that rejection would indeed come.

Minutes of agony went by as Sara processed his words. Neither the look on her face nor her eyes gave her thoughts away, which made Grissom even more worried. When her eyes focused on him again, he sat up straighter.

"Is that your very weird way of asking me to move in with you?" After the bewilderment cleared, amusement was written all over her features.

Both knew this was a serious situation, but the tension was channeled into amusement. Grissom didn't know how to answer that, so he started to ramble. "It doesn't have to be 'with me' as in living at my house. I mean, we could look for something else. Maybe with enough space that you could have your own room if you need privacy and…"

Sara held up her hand to stop him from really ruining the moment.

"It's not about that. How could I wake up with you if we sleep in separate bedroom? Let's think about the specifics after the answer to the original question."

The distance she had needed at first seemed to be a bit too much now. Her instinct told her to protect her privacy, so she leaned in closer. "Grissom, I want you to be absolutely sure before I give you any answer."

"I told you, I thought about it long and hard. I know we have a long way to go and there will probably be lots of bumps in the road. We have to develop as individuals as well as partners. But, we have so little time outside of work; I want to spend that time together."

There it was again, the determination.

"Okay, then let me voice my doubts. I have just started pulling my life back together. The thought of waking up next to you everyday is very tempting, but we haven't been together that long." Sara broke off, swallowing hard. This was so sudden; how could she make such a decision right now? "Could you give me some time to think about it?"

Grissom looked a bit disappointed but nodded. It worried her a bit that he had fallen completely silent.

"I don't want to ruin our dinner, which is probably already cold. I just need some time. It's not a 'no.' Just let me think about it. Please?"

Again, Grissom only nodded, seemingly in a state of shock. Sara took her chair and moved closer to him, wanting to show him that this had nothing to do with how much she loved him. Their kiss was gentle and affirming, strengthening their connection again.

"I love you," Sara whispered against his lips when she pulled back. "We will work this out!"

xxxxx

They went to work separately, keeping a low profile. Sara was preoccupied with thinking about Grissom's proposal.

It was really tempting- really, really tempting. This was what she had always wanted, and it had been Grissom to ask. Her heart would say 'yes' in a minute. That's what she had wanted to shout out loud.

Her head only screamed 'Stop!' She didn't want to stop their relationship from moving forward. She just needed to stop a moment to think.

This moment had stretched into hours, her thoughts never leaving the topic. Work seemed to just flow past her. She was collecting and processing evidence without conscious thought. By the end of shift, she had found no solution. Learning from her mistakes, she went to his office to tell him that she needed more time.

He looked a bit hurt, but once again she reminded him that this didn't mean 'no.' She just needed more time. With a promise that they would eat something together before the next shift, he let her go.

Sara went home to shower and change her clothes, also grabbing a bite to eat before she headed out again. Her list was with her. Maybe it could help her make a decision.

She didn't really know where she was going; she just drove through the morning. In the end, she ended up outside of town in the desert, craving solitude and silence. She needed to think.

TBC


	12. Chapter 12

Growing Together

Part 12

Summary: Grissom has to deal with Sara's answer while she is not sure how he will take it.

A/N: Whew, this was a lot of work. A special thanks to Ace for getting back on track. I know some of you want longer chapters and more frequent updates, but I just write the chapters as they come and then they have to go through my beta. It will continue to be about once a week and some will be shorter while others will be longer. Hope you still like this, though. Enjoy!

xxxxx

_1. Take time off to sort everything out (WIP)_

_2. Get help (WIP)_

_3. Talk to Grissom (WIP)_

_4. Work through all memories (WIP)_

_5. Clear things up with Nick (WIP) Done_

_6. Work on relationships (WIP)_

_7. Plan for future_

_8. Redecorate apartment_

That was the updated version, but for Sara, that didn't sound satisfactory. Her time off was still a few weeks ahead, she had only had her first session, and talking to Grissom still required a lot of effort. Only point five was done.

That left points six through eight, and somehow her current dilemma was not among them. Sure, it had something to do with her future, but she had forced herself to stay away from any planning until now.

But the issue had to be dealt with today.

Grissom had asked her to move in with him. He had laid his heart out. She wasn't one to push a decision off again and again, knowing that everything would have to be dealt with. Other than heartache, nothing could be gained from such a behavior. Right now, she could only guess how hard the waiting was for Grissom. As it was, looking at the whole situation from this side was driving her crazy.

What did this mean to Grissom?

He really seemed to be serious and that's what confused her. The proposal itself was not delivered with sure words, but of the idea behind it, he seemed sure. If he had already thought this through and came to the conclusion that this was what he wanted, then she wouldn't doubt him. Now she only had to figure out what she wanted.

Looking at her list again, she thought about point seven; her future. Or rather, _their_ future.

Could she see herself living with Grissom? Definitely yes. It was what she dreamt about when her conscious mind took a break. In fact, for the last few weeks, these dreams had been recurrent.

The question was now, how immediate was that future?

Could she let herself go that far? Was she prepared to deal with all of the consequences?

As much as she wanted to develop and work on herself individually, she had also realized that there wouldn't be any of that without Grissom. He had made her face it and he gave her strength. Just because they would be living together didn't mean that she had to give herself up. In his proposal, Grissom had been considerate enough to offer her all the space she needed.

Their relationship would require more work if they were living together. It would probably also make things easier in other areas. But she had never lived with a man, so she couldn't really tell what it would be like.

She didn't think that they would fall into the same trap that their parents had. They were aware of things that needed to be said, and although they still had some problems communicating, she was confident in their ability to overcome that. She would do everything in her power to stop that from happening to them.

Still, it could be a terrible risk to go into this so soon. The possibility that this could ruin their relationship was not banned from their lives just because they were working on making it better.

Her mind continued to play out worst case scenarios, but the strongest image was when she thought it could work. They could work together; maybe even better if they were closer.

They needed to discuss the boundaries and set some limits, but if they kept to that…

xxxxx

Grissom had invited her for dinner; at his house this time. However, knowing what was to happen, she declined; not the invitation to come over, but the dinner part. No matter how their conversation turned out, they would not be in the mood for food.

After having made her decision, she had gone home to catch at least an hour of sleep and grab a bite to eat before she had to get ready to leave again. However, sleep hadn't come, and she had only dozed a bit while her mind couldn't find any real rest. She hadn't been hungry but forced herself to at least eat an apple. Her mood was not the best because of the lack of food and sleep, but she wouldn't let that stop her.

Arriving at his house, she knocked, and Grissom opened the door only seconds later, looking stressed and exhausted. She doubted he had gotten much sleep.

"Come in." His voice was rough, and he stood there, looking tired and haggard. He had been worried, probably hadn't been able to stop thinking about what she was doing and what her answer would be, and it showed.

Before he could react, she had leaned over and wrapped her arms around him, pressing him closer to her. "I missed you."

She had. Ever since he asked her, she had missed the feeling of real closeness. All of their energy had been focused on making a decision, and the result had been distance.

Now, with her decision made, she felt lighter and was able to give up that distance.

When she pulled back, Grissom tried to mask the fact that his body was trembling. The tension had mixed with exhaustion, robbing him of the calm control he usually possessed.

Maybe she had underestimated the toll this whole situation had taken on him. For the first time, Sara wondered if there hadn't been some truth in earlier statements. Was this too much for him?

Sara didn't doubt that he wanted all of this, not anymore, but she wondered if it was more than he was able to handle. She could only hope that he would tell her if that was the case.

She led him inside, waiting for him to sit down next to her on the couch. Why not try to make this as comfortable as possible.

"I'm sorry it took me so long to make a decision. Think you can hold on for my lengthy explanation before I give you my answer?"

But he didn't look comfortable at all. She was gently rubbing his back and he looked up, focusing his whole being on her. There was hope shining in his eyes. He wanted to believe that she would say yes.

"Grissom, no matter what, this won't change anything. Nothing can change how I feel." The opening sounded as if she was building up a rejection, but she hadn't known how else to start. He needed to hear this, she knew, even if it made him less confident what her answer would be.

"I know you wouldn't have asked if you didn't mean it, but I had my doubts whether we are ready for this. I'm scared that it will take away from us individually. Especially since we are just rediscovering who we are and what this life means for us."

She felt his muscles tensing, and for a few seconds she only focused on easing it by continuing to rub his back. But it was no use. She had no choice but to stop. Her hands wandered from his back to the lower arm that was facing her. Just as in his back, she could feel nothing but tense muscles.

"I want you to promise me that you won't stop the process we started."

Grissom took a deep breath, considering her request briefly. He nodded, but that wasn't enough for her. There would be no non-verbal miscommunication about this. "Say it. Promise me!"

"I promise."

Now it was her turn to take a deep breath and gather her strength. Knowing that he was prepared to deal with the consequences, it was time for her answer.

"I think that we can do it."

His head snapped up, looking her straight in the eye.

"We have to work even harder on our problems and our relationship, but we can do it."

She noticed that he had stopped shaking. All of his energy was currently fueling his brain as he tried to make sense of her words.

"If you, after what I've put you through since last night, still want us to live together, then my answer is yes."

It took him a few seconds to react, but then his whole being lit up. A little disbelief was still written over his face, but she knew that would vanish once they discussed the specifics.

She reached out to hug him, and Grissom returned the embrace with enthusiasm. At that moment, Sara was absolutely sure that she had made the right decision. This was the path they had to follow to find their future.

TBC


	13. Chapter 13

Growing Together

Part 13

Summary: The planning begins.

A/N: Special thanks to jtbwriter and microgirl. Your reviews really help me to keep writing this. The same goes of course for Ace.

xxxxx

The next day, Grissom and Sara shared some downtime at his place. Grissom was sitting on the couch reading, while Sara was only pretending to be engrossed in a magazine. She couldn't focus on the article in front of her. Her thoughts were circling around something else.

She couldn't stop thinking about living with Grissom, but the 'how' was still fuzzy. Maybe it was because she was thinking about a home that was both of them. They would have to enter the discussion about the specifics sooner or later; why not know?

Although she felt like pacing to work off some excess energy and tension, she just turned to face him. She grabbed his hand to get his attention. He looked up, and when he saw the look on her face, he put the book away. This was important, her expression told him that.

"Can we talk about moving in together?"

Grissom nodded, swallowing hard. It wasn't that he knew they were taking extremely small steps in the execution, always pausing longer than necessary in between. Maybe they should have talked yesterday, but he had just wanted to enjoy them being together her saying yes.

"Can you remember what you said when you asked me? You already came up with different options. One, my apartment. Two, your house. Three, something new."

He remained silent, although he nodded once more. Sara guessed that he had already made a decision about that but he wanted to leave the final decision to her. She couldn't let him do that; it was their future.

"Grissom, you've got to tell me what you want. This is not going to work if just one of us makes the decision."

His eyes showed her he had retreated, thinking about it, but she couldn't let him retreat completely. He had to be there. He had to take part in this.

"What do you want?"

He looked at her and she could see the wheels turning in his head. "I want…I want to make a fresh start."

After a shaky beginning, Grissom's voice gained confidence when Sara listened without rejecting what he said. "I think if we do this, the best thing would be to start new on common ground. We spent too much time alone in our apartments. I don't want to be alone anymore."

Relief flooded her. Not only had Grissom told her what he wanted; he wanted the same things she did. It really seemed as if they were finally on the right track. "Good, let's go from there. A place for us - that's what I want too. To move forward, we need to leave some of the baggage behind. If we leave our homes, we can sort through our stuff – and I don't just mean material – and decide whether we take it with us."

Thinking of her list, Sara smiled. She was back at point eight and back to explaining it to Grissom.

"Remember? It's the same principle as redecorating, just bigger." Enthusiasm was rising, strengthening her resolve.

"Do you think we can find a place for us to live?" Sara realized she had taken over the planning again and cursed herself silently. Grissom needed to be involved.

"That will be a problem."

Sara was worried for a second, but when Grissom smiled, she wondered where this was going. "Will we be living alone?"

'What?' her mind screamed in shock before she realized what he was talking about. "We will find a place. You don't have to leave _them_ behind, don't worry."

She smiled at him, wondering if she was crazy that she found his plea incredibly adorable. Grissom grinned back at her, and with renewed courage, he summed up the state of things. "So, we're going to look for a new place with enough space for both of us…and my pets. We will see this as an opportunity to move forward, be together, and clean out our lives."

"That sounds about right."

xxxxx

"Are you ready?" Grissom was leaning against a locker as he watched Sara stuff the last of her things in her bag.

It was the end of shift and they had an appointment with a real-estate agent. After looking though hundreds of ads, they had found two that sounded promising. Unfortunately, the only time that was available was right after shift, and they had to risk being seen together…which they were when Greg entered the locker room. He stopped short and watched with fascination as Grissom's eyes were focused on Sara.

"Uhm, Sara…" Nothing but stumbled words came out.

Sara looked up, surprised to see Greg. It took her only a second to realize that Greg had noticed Grissom's intense stare. Had he also seen what she had? "Hey, Greg."

Grissom was still struggling to find the right words, so she had to avoid disaster. The young man opened and closed his mouth without making a sound.

Sara stood up, ripping Grissom out of his trance. "Bye Greg," he called and left the room without looking back.

Sara knew that he would be waiting for her outside, leaving her to deal with Greg. "I have to go. Grissom's driving me home."

She tried to stay casual, aiming for a certain reaction. After a renewed shock moment for Greg, he began to sputter. "Grissom? Grissom's driving you home?"

"Yeah, my car wouldn't start and he's my driver for today." Casual, she reminded herself.

"Why…why didn't you ask me?"

Poor Greg. He was still hoping and she felt a bit bad for lying. "What? I'm not driving with you! You drive worse than I do."

She walked past him before turning around again. "Sorry, Greg. But I want to be able to work next shift."

He looked a bit hurt, but she smiled at him and his mood seemed to lighten. "See you."

xxxxx

Sara soothed Grissom's worries with a smile when she walked towards his car. He nodded, letting her know that he understood, and put the car into gear when she had taken her seat. The ride was silent, Grissom doing his best to stay focused on the road, while Sara was deep in thoughts.

She knew Greg was easy. He would take everything she said with a smile and he had too much respect for Grissom to question him. They would have had a really big problem if it had been anyone else. Nick's suspicion would grow again, Catherine wouldn't let up until she found out what it was really about, and Warrick…he would know.

He would take one look and know that they had finally done it. At the same time, as dangerous as Warrick was, she was sure he would never say anything to anyone else. He might confront them and ask how serious this was and if they were sure, but he wouldn't tell.

No, it was still Nick and Catherine she was worried about, or one of the gossip-loving lab techs. She knew the issue would come up again and again until they finally spilled the beans, and that was a day she was afraid of. Ultimately, they _were_ risking their jobs. To her it was worth it; she had been waiting so long for this.

"You are worth it."

Startled, she looked up and found Grissom's gaze on her. He was solely focused on her now. How had he known what she was thinking? As if he had seen her question, he answered. "I've been thinking about the consequences. And so were you by the look in your eyes."

He reached over and took her hand, bringing it up to kiss it. "Together."

"Together."

She leaned over, taking her hand from his grip and cradled his face in her hands.

"Together," she whispered and kissed him.

Seconds later, they pulled back with regret, but as Grissom was able to focus on something other than Sara again, he realized that they were not unobserved. "Let's go and see the real-estate agent."

TBC


	14. Chapter 14

Growing Together

Part 14

Summary: Grissom and Sara are looking for a house and find out more about themselves.

A/N: Sorry for the long wait, but after weeks of trouble my PC decided it was time to quit working all together. It took a while to convince him to get his butt in gear and do his job and he's still not doing it like he should but at least he works again. This is the long way of saying, sorry I couldn't get it done any faster and I don't know how long it will take for me to get he next chapter ready.  
Please hang in there.

xxxxx

"I don't know." Sara was unsure how to put what she was feeling into words.

They had just looked at the sixth house in two weeks. So far, they hadn't found anything they could agree on. Only one house was a tentative yes for her, but a no for Grissom. The same was true for Grissom's only serious consideration. All of the others had looked promising on paper, but lacked several points in reality. This house fell into that category for her.

"Too small, too dark and too expensive for what is offered." Grissom summed up her thoughts perfectly.

Never had she thought that it would be easy to agree with another person on such an important thing. The two houses where their opinions had differed a bit were nothing to argue about. The other one had been easy to convince to let it go and keep looking.

At the beginning, Sara had wondered if they had talked enough about what they were expecting from a house, but she soon found out that even without many words, they knew exactly what they were looking for.

"Well, we still have one more to look at today."

That house was simply not made for them. They could only hope that the next house would be better. The realtor had already driven ahead, leaving them outside, probably hoping that they would change their minds. But they already knew that they wouldn't.

Grissom moved closer to Sara, wrapping his arms around her. "We both want it to be perfect. It's okay if it takes a while to find the right one."

Sara nodded, silently wondering how long they could let the realtor wait, because right now, she didn't want to move.

"Hmmm, you feel so good," she murmured into his neck, breathing in his scent. "Maybe we should lower our expectations. After all, there are other things that are important. 'Home is not a house but a state.'"

Grissom smiled at her assessment. The last weeks had changed Sara, in a good way. She was still Sara, but she was a bit more relaxed and freer in her spirit. However, it was not only Sara. Every visit to a new house had made her – and him – surer that this was the right step.

What Sara didn't know yet was that the reality of progression had made him think about his own development again. He made his own plans, arranging a meeting that would determine the rest of his life. Now he could only hope that Sara wouldn't be mad at him once he told her. It was a good thing, but you never know.

He tightened his embrace one last time before breaking apart. "Let's see if seven is indeed a lucky number."

xxxxx

Grissom stood looking through the huge bay windows into the backyard.

Sara was still upstairs, wandering around, but he had retreated down to the first floor. It had developed as a MO; he would take a good look at the whole house and then retreat to the biggest window of the house to let all of the new impressions settle in. Sara would do the opposite; she would take another look, going through the rooms again.

He looked up when she entered the room, meeting her eyes.

"It's more than we wanted to spend."

"It's bigger than we had planned."

"It's got a lot of extras we don't need."

"It's not in one of the neighborhoods we agreed on."

"It's further away from work than we wanted."

There was a pause and the realtor entered the room after listening to the conversation from outside. He looked disappointed and slightly resigned. "Well then, I'll pick out some other houses and we'll set up another appointment. I'll wait outside until you're done."

He left them alone again, and Grissom went back to staring out the window. Sara moved up behind him, wrapping her arms around him.

"It's perfect."

His silent admiration of the backyard told her that he was thinking the same.

"Will we be able to handle the additional sum?"

Grissom took his time thinking about it, calculating the costs again. "The price is above the limit we set, but counting on a steady income, we should be able to pay the difference too."

A smile spread over Sara's face. "Let's stay here for another minute or so before we tell the realtor that we want to put down a bid." With a kiss to his cheek, she went back to staring over his shoulder.

The house would change their lives. Although they would be closer, it offered enough space for retreat. Grissom could have his study with his little friends and she could have a room to put up her PC, stereo, scanner and other things to create her own realm. The backyard looked really inviting, and although she doubted they could spend as much time on it as the previous owners, she was glad to have one. Maybe it would help them get away from work.

"Time's up." Grissom turned around, taking her hand and leading her out of the house that would hopefully soon be theirs.

The realtor was waiting outside to lock up. They waited until he had closed the house back up and had his full attention again. "We would like to put a bid down."

It was clear that he hadn't been expecting this, because as good as realtors usually had to be to make enough sells, this one was truly surprised. "I thought the house was not to your liking."

Grissom smirked, feeling a bit superior at the moment. "Things can be deceiving."

xxxxx

The phone rang, and Sara hurried out of the bathroom. She was at Grissom's place, waiting for him to come home.

The answering machine picked up, and when she recognized the voice of the realtor, Sara took the call. "Hello?"

"Ms. Sidle. Is Dr. Grissom with you?"

Sara felt nervous excitement bubbling up in her, wondering if this was it. But then, disappointment set in as the question of the realtor registered. Grissom wasn't here. "No, he's at work."

"Anyway, I'm calling about the house. Should I call back later when both of you are there?"

She thought about it for a few seconds, but her curiosity won out. Maybe she could give Grissom a nice present when he came home. Since they put the bid down together, Sara decided she wanted to hear what the realtor had to say.

"No, it's okay. "

"Alright then. To make it short, the house is yours."

Her breath locked in her throat as the words sunk in. They were really going to have that house.

"That's good news. Thank you." She didn't really know what the etiquette was in such a situation.

"Congratulations."

Thoughts about telling Grissom and the things that had to be arranged mixed in her head, making her feel a bit helpless. The realtor took some of the weight off her shoulders by proposing the next step.

"We should set up another appointment to sign the necessary paperwork."

A date was set up quickly, and when Sara finally came out of the daze, she had a broad smile plastered to her face. Never had she thought that she would be so happy and looking forward to it so much.

All of the stress of the last two weeks had been worth it. She knew that a lot of people needed a lot longer to find the perfect house.

The perfect house…with Grissom.

xxxxx

An hour later, she had arranged their celebratory dinner and practiced several speeches. Although she knew that they had consciously made this decision, she was nervous how he would react.

She knew she felt ready for it. Her first doubts had vanished with continuing to build a new routine. Her list was definitely a WIP, but it felt good.

Suddenly, she heard Grissom insert his keys into the lock. She dried her sweaty palms on her jeans, anxiously waiting for the moment where she could make eye contact and tell him.

"Sara?" Grissom entered, putting his stuff away first before really looking at her.

When he saw that she had prepared dinner and had gone to the trouble of setting up a nice place to eat for them, he stopped short. He had expected her to be relaxing on the couch, reading a book or watching a movie, but _this_ was absolutely not what he had expected.

"Sara?" he asked, swallowing hard.

"It's okay."

It was a stupid thing to say, but somehow she didn't know how else she could start. However, the statement did nothing for Grissom's confusion.

Finally, she couldn't take it anymore, throwing all of her carefully laid out plans overboard and just blurting it out. "The realtor called."

It took a few seconds for the words to set in, but then Grissom was ready. "So, is this a celebratory dinner or a consolation prize?"

He moved closer, but didn't touch her, waiting for an answer. Sara had no such qualms and stepped even closer, taking his hands.

Her hands were shaking and she wondered if Grissom could feel that although her grip was tight. "Are you trying to give me coronary arrest? Because the way you're dragging this out can't be good for my poor, old heart."

It was meant to make her smile, but she swallowed hard. This was the moment to tell him. "We…will own a house…together."

Her eyes went a bit dreamy, but reality was not lost on her as Grissom scooped her up in his arms. Joy was radiating off of him.

"Our house."

"Our future."

TBC


	15. Chapter 15

Growing Together

Part 15

Summary: Sara develops a new routine during her time off.

A/N: Knock on wood, my PC works again. Let's hope that I'll be able to post properly again.

Xxxxx

"Aaarggghh!"

Sara threw her hands up in surrender. The chaos surrounding her had tripled in the last hour. Her whole living room was filled with her stuff; so full that she could barely walk.

Today was her second day off and she was finally sorting through all of her things. The plan was to pack everything up to be ready for the upcoming move. The house was now officially theirs and a date had been set for the move. They had chosen a day that Grissom had off and Sara was still on vacation. That left her ten days to pack up all of her stuff.

This morning had started out fine with her being organized, but as the day progressed, chaos was rapidly spreading. She had a lot of things that she wanted to get rid off – more than she had anticipated – and it was still too much to take with her. This was supposed to be a fresh start.

To get to everything better, she had been collecting everything in the living room. But now she felt overwhelmed by the flood of memories, and breathing seemed unnaturally hard. Sara fled to her bedroom, which was not nearly as cluttered, hoping that that would ease her breathing.

Once she was feeling better, the rational part of her mind kicked in. Out there were just things. Okay, they were things with a lot of memories attached, but memories are part of the past. She had to focus on what was to come. Her future with Grissom was worth it. She was doing this for a better future for herself – free of the burden of the past – and for them. The pain she was feeling now would be small compared to what would build up if she didn't do anything. It would only get worse. Sara wanted to prove that she was strong enough to do this.

She went to the bedroom window, opened it, and then went out into the living room again, leaving the door open. The way to the living room windows was much more difficult, but once she opened them too, she felt like she could breathe easier.

With a renewed motivation, Sara went to work again.

xxxxx

The next few days flew by and she slowly managed the chaos in her apartment. Everyday, she continued to work through the masses until about four in the evening. At four she left the chaos behind and drove over to Grissom's house. In the spirit of the upcoming move, he had given her the keys.

She would enter quietly and make her way to the kitchen to prepare some food. This was a time she looked forward to. Usually she didn't feel any satisfaction from doing household chores, but it was a welcome distraction these days. The order and silence of the situation made her feel relaxed again, and when Grissom woke up, they could just be together.

Of course she missed work – especially working with Grissom – but her leave didn't feel as forced as in the past.

The day before she had left her apartment early to visit her therapist, and tomorrow she would be meeting Nick and Greg for breakfast. She was determined to not only use this vacation to move but to also work on her list. Her days were planned out and although she regretted the fact that she wouldn't be able to get out of the city, she felt she was at last moving forward. She was doing something.

Sara was just finishing her preparations, ready to put her creation in the oven to brown, when she heard soft footsteps behind her. "Sleep well?"

"Hmmm!"

Sara had to smile at his grumpiness. By now, she was used to it. She turned around and placed a cup of coffee on the breakfast bar.

Grissom took a sip, soaking up the warmth of the coffee. It helped him to wake up and get into the right mood. "How was your day?"

"I got a lot of things done. I'm making real progress now."

Sara turned back towards the stove to get the rest of their meal. When everything was set, she moved around the counter to sit next to Grissom.

"Morning." Sara leaned over and kissed him, making him smile for the first time that day.

"Morning."

The best thing about their current arrangement was that they had enough time to spend their breakfast in a relaxed silence. Sara didn't ask him about work, knowing she'd be too tempted to end her vacation. It was hard since work was such a big part of their life, but the changes gave them enough other things to talk about. For now, it seemed perfect. They were focusing on themselves – as individuals and as a couple – and on the move.

They finished eating and Sara was about to get up, but Grissom held her back. "Sara, there's something I've got to tell you."

His carefully chosen words made her heart beat faster. She tried not to read too much into it, but his tentativeness made her nervous.

"Buying a house is a huge step and I know this is a sensitive subject, but I called my mother and told her about us." Grissom paused and waited for her reaction.

Sara was a bit shocked at first, wondering why he hadn't told her that before. It seemed like such a big thing to keep from her, but then she remembered something else he had said. Family was indeed a sensitive topic for her. Maybe he hadn't wanted to rub it in that he was able to call his mother to share the good news when she had no one.

It hurt her, she couldn't deny that, but she was glad that Grissom had his mother to talk to. On the other hand, she was honored that he was talking about her, excited that this was serious enough to call his mother and scared what she might think of her.

Well, if she just sat there and said nothing, she would never find out. "Grissom, just because I'm not in a position to talk to my family doesn't mean that you have to do without."

He seemed relieved that she wasn't reacting negatively. "Now, there's something else."

Just when she thought she could relax again, Grissom surprised her again. She had to swallow hard, hoping that it wasn't what she feared. It was.

"My mother wants to meet you. She wants to help us when we're moving."

When he saw her blank look, he paused a bit before he corrected himself. "But only if it's okay with you. We can wait. It doesn't have to be now. If you don't want to, just tell me."

This was not something she could decide right now. He had sprung this on her so unexpectedly that she didn't know what to think. There were some things she needed to know first. "I'm not sure. Why does she want to come now?"

"I told her about you before we were together, but now that we bought a house…I've never made a commitment like that."

Neither had she, and meeting the mother of the man she would be living with would also be a first. "Do you think it's wise for her to visit us amidst all of this chaos?"

She was trying to stay as calm as possible and to go about it as rationally as possible. Grissom was obviously close to his mother. She had to tread carefully.

"I don't know."

At least he was honest. "Do you want her to visit now?"

"I would like her to meet you. And I want her to see how good this, you, are for me."

The information was vague, but if she pieced it together correctly, then he wanted something like her blessing before they 'finalized' their relationship.

"You want her to come." If this was what he wanted, then she would do it for him.

Grissom nodded, hanging his head as if he was ashamed of his wish. "Grissom, I want to meet your mother, and we can do it now."

She needed to feel him as an affirmation that he was really there. She reached out and let her hands wander to the back of his neck. Her thumbs were first massaging the sides of his neck before she exerted a little pressure to make him look up.

"We're in this together and I want to meet your mother." She tried to give him her brightest smile and although it fell a little bit short, it was still convincing enough for Grissom to return it.

"You can call her and tell her I'll be glad to meet her."

"Thank you."

They remained quiet for a moment, each needing to process what had just been discussed. Sara was not the first to recover, but the first who needed to work it off. Her mind worked better that way.

She stood up and started to clean up the remnants of their meal, silently considering if there would ever be a time where their life would settle down. Would they find that place where they didn't need to think about everything twice?

She could only hope so.

TBC


	16. Chapter 16

Growing Together

Part 16

Summary: It is finally time to meet his mother, but is Sara ready?

A/N: I'm finally on time again. I just hope it stays that way and I'll be able to post once a week.

xxxxx

"Are you sure I look alright?" It was the sentence that every man dreaded, and Grissom was no exception.

Sara was standing in the doorway to her bedroom, looking completely insecure. Grissom was somewhat blindsided by this behavior because he had never figured Sara to be a woman that had a nervous breakdown because of clothes. Of course, today she would meet his mother, but still...

After their talk, before going to work he had called his mother back and she had confirmed the date of her visit. They had had only two days to get ready.

Right now, they were at Sara's place, getting ready to pick her up, but Sara was going crazy because she had already packed most of her stuff and was left with only a few casual outfits, none of which were the adequate attire to meet his mother, although Grissom had tried to reassure her that his mother couldn't care less. In short, she was driving him crazy too.

"Sara, I'm sure that my mother won't judge you on your outfit. She's very uncomplicated that way, but what she doesn't like at all is to be kept waiting so…" and with that he ushered her out the door.

For a while it seemed as if Sara had calmed down, but the next breakdown destroyed all of his hopes that it would go smoothly from now on.

Just as she was about to get in the car, Sara stopped short. Grissom bumped into her when he wanted to make sure she was getting in. He looked at her and found her completely frozen - eyes wide, mouth agape and one arm hovering in mid air.

"Your mother is deaf."

They had already established that a while ago, and it was coming back to her now?

A quick look at his watch told him that they didn't have the time for this. "Yes, but she's waiting right now, and we have to go now."

Sara, however, made no move to get in the car. "I can't even talk to her. She will think I'm superficial, just like Dr. Gilbert. She will hate me."

He could hear that her panic was rising. This was the time to stop worrying about this mother and start doing so about Sara. She was seconds away from completely losing it. He had to get the situation under control.

With a deep breath, he took her by the shoulders and turned her around. "Stop it."

Her eyes cleared, but only for a brief moment before panic overwhelmed her again. "Listen to me. It won't matter to her that you can't sign. She knows that and is used to finding other methods of communication. I know you will catch up quickly. I'm not worried, my mother's not worried, so you shouldn't be either."

Sara was proving to be a tough nut to crack. Her doubts were still raging and he had to offer her a better explanation. "Sara, she's not expecting you to be anyone else but you. Please, don't worry."

His hand traveled up to her face and cupped her cheek. He waited until he saw what he needed. Sara had finally calmed down. "I love you."

He gave her a kiss, wanting to prove his words.

"Now, get in the car and don't make us later than we already are.

xxxxx

"Mom?" Grissom spoke and signed at the same time while Sara held back. She was still a bit cautious, unsure of how to approach the other woman.

Grissom had no problems whatsoever and hugged his mother. "Sorry for being late, I hope you're okay."

His mother smiled, returning the hug and handing her son one of her bags. "It's hot, but otherwise I'm fine."

Her speech was only a little bit slurred, but she signed additionally, probably out of habit. Then she turned to face Sara. Her face was soft and friendly, lit up by a welcoming smile. Sara returned the smile automatically, but studied Mrs. Grissom carefully.

Grissom didn't look much like his mother except for the eyes. They had the same color and when they smiled their facial expressions were eerily similar.

"Hello. I'm Sara Sidle."

It took all of her courage but she actually managed to sign the greeting. It was all she knew to say besides 'Goodbye' and 'Thank you,' and she didn't even know if it was correct. She had looked up the phrases after the disaster in Dr. Gilbert's office, but the case had distracted her from further studies and learning had to be postponed. In the end, she had never made the time for learning to sign, but now it would be another point on her list.

"Oh, very nice to meet you. Lauren Grissom."

They shook hands, and Grissom seemed pleased. Mrs. Grissom signed something without speaking, but Sara had to wave her off, not being able to read her. "I'm sorry, but the greeting is all I know."

Sara hung her head in shame. This was not how it was supposed to be. The thought that she could have prepared for this meeting more thoroughly almost brought tears to her eyes.

"Oh, shush, don't worry. We will understand each other without the help of sign language or sounds."

Sara nodded and looked up, giving both Grissoms a shy smile. "Just keep looking at me."

After she finished patching things up with Sara, Lauren Grissom turned back to her son, quickly signing for him to quit staring and go and grab her luggage. Dutifully, he left the two women alone, waiting for him.

Sara was feeling even smaller now that Grissom had left them alone, but his mother kept smiling at her reassuringly. "I bet you're usually not that shy."

Silently, Sara shook her head, feeling the same vibe that she sometimes got from Grissom. The other woman was able to read her just like he could.

"That's okay. I don't bite."

Before Sara could respond, Grissom came back with the suitcase. "Let's go."

Sara sighed, hoping that the ice around her heart would begin to thaw soon.

xxxxx

"Mom, I hope it's okay for you to sleep in here. Right now, things are a bit chaotic because of the move," Grissom apologized for the second time as he helped his mother get settled.

There was none of the usual structure left. Boxes with his stuff stood everywhere, only the bare necessities remaining in place. The move was getting closer, and with Sara's help they had managed to pack up in the few hours between sleep and shift.

Grissom's mother had to sleep in his study on a makeshift bed, but lucky for her, most of the bugs had already moved out. Grissom had packed up all of the displays and jars while the living ones had taken up residence in the kitchen, much to Sara's dismay. She would definitely not cook or eat something that had been prepared in it. Since they had moved the bugs two days ago, take out was in again.

His mother didn't seem to be bothered by the chaos and the bugs at all. She was probably used to much worse. On the contrary, Lauren Grissom seemed to be totally relaxed, and when she took a seat on the couch, she waved Sara over.

Hesitantly, Sara took a seat next to her.

Mrs. Grissom was still a big question mark, and despite her experience with strangers, it was difficult to read the other woman. That she didn't know what to expect made her more than nervous. So much depended on this meeting.

"I already told you; I don't bite. You really don't have to be nervous."

Well, that was definitely something mother and son had in common.

"It's just that this is new for me."

The older woman patted her hand, trying again to reassure her. "For me too."

The ease that the woman carried ability to deal with the whole situation made Sara relax slowly. The honest admission even made her smile.

"How did you convince my son to finally jump over his shadow?"

Sara was a bit surprised by the straightforwardness, and not for the first time, she wondered what exactly Grissom had told his mother. The direct course seemed to be the best, so she simply asked what she was burning to know. "What has he told you?"

Looking around, she noticed that Grissom had still not returned to the living room. What was taking him so long? Or was he doing this on purpose?

If this was his way of getting them to know each other, he would have to pay for it later. She didn't like to be thrown into a situation that was beyond her control.

"He didn't tell me much. I'm sure you know that he doesn't talk much about things like that. But if he did talk about what was going on in his life, he always mentioned you. Mostly side notes, but it made me listen more closely."

That sounded definitely like Grissom, but she wondered if he hadn't said something more concrete. When she wanted to ask for more information, Lauren Grissom began to talk again.

"Gil mostly just mentioned your name, but sometimes he was admiring your talents and work in a way that made me think that there was more. He has been talking about you for years."

Sara smiled. She was amazed that Grissom had really been talking about her, even admiring her, and she was happy that his mother seemed to have such a positive picture of her.

"Thank you for telling me that."

When she saw the twinkle in Lauren Grissom's eyes, she knew that although she had spoken nothing but the truth, her praise had been a tool to make her more comfortable. Grissom's mother wanted to take away her fear, and suddenly, Sara realized that there was nothing to fear.

Grissom would not stop loving her just because her mother didn't know her well enough to judge her correctly in all situations. She didn't need to. It was enough if Grissom was learning to do that.

She wasn't alone anymore.

Lauren Grissom smiled back at her, encouraging her to relax further. "Now, tell me how you did it."

"With a lot of patience. More than I ever thought I possessed."

TBC


	17. Chapter 17

Growing Together

Part 17

Summary: The day has finally arrived; and it couldn't have been soon enough.

A/N: Thanks to Ace. Your help is always greatly appreciated.

Xxxxx

Sara was simply amazed by Lauren Grissom. The woman had breezed into her life, showing her a lot in a matter of days.

When Grissom had told her about his parents, Sara had thought his mother had been broken. But now that she'd actually met her, she never would have guessed. His mother seemed to be a strong and independent woman, not at all hemmed by her deafness.

Right now, she was delegating the movers, telling them which box belonged in which room. She couldn't hear them, but they could hear her. The funny thing was, she didn't think the movers had even realized that they were dealing with a deaf person.

Sara had tried to get them to stop making jokes and pay more attention to how and where they put their stuff unsuccessfully. After days of organizing, working on her list, and getting to know Grissom's mother, Sara was exhausted and had no energy to deal with the movers anymore. She let Lauren Grissom take over without a sound of protest.

The two women where supervising everything in the new house while Grissom was cleaning everything out of their old homes. That way, things were under their control and everything was moving along quickly.

"No, that goes in that room." Mrs. Grissom directed another mover before she sat down next to Sara.

Luckily the couch had already been delivered so they could put up their feet.

"Tired?" The older woman asked her and Sara nodded. "Most of it is here. It won't be much longer until we're finished.

"I never would have guessed that it would be this exhausting," Sara admitted and closed her eyes.

Just for a moment, she told herself. Grissom's mother was there to keep everything under control.

xxxxx

"Shh, don't wake her up."

Grissom stood in front of the couch, watching Sara sleep. She looked so peaceful.

The movers had finished their business and had left, but Sara had slept through it all. "She must have been dead tired."

He sat down on the couch table, reaching out to touch her. His fingers hovered above her face and then dipped down to brush some strands out of her face.

"Gil, you should have stopped her from overdoing it. She was working herself into the ground." He knew his mother was right, but there was no way he could have convinced Sara of that.

"Mother, do you have any idea how difficult it is to tell her to stop doing something?" Although he was looking at Sara, his mother could see the seriousness of his statement.

"Well, that's just what you need," she spoke out loud and left him alone with Sara.

For a while longer he just kept watching her, but then he knew he had to make a decision. He didn't want to wake her, but he couldn't leave her here.

First of all, the couch was fine for a nap, but she couldn't spend the whole night here. And, this was the first night in their new house and no one should spend it alone on the couch. That was not how he had imagined this evening. Of course he'd had no illusions about a romantic evening, but he had at least wanted to go into their new bedroom and fall asleep together. Carrying her was also not an option. That only left waking her up.

"Honey?" He caressed her face again, hoping it would stir her. "Honey, we need to get you to bed."

She moved her head a bit, away from his hand but didn't wake up. "Sara, come on."

Her ongoing slumber worried him a bit. The thought of something being wrong with her made his heart clench in fear. "Honey?"

He cupped her face, his thumbs tracing circles, and finally her eyelids fluttered. Relief flooded him and he smiled.

Sara looked around, a bit disoriented at first, the unfamiliar surroundings confusing her, but then she focused on Grissom and remembered where she was. A slow smile spread over her face as she stretched languidly.

"Hmmm, you're home."

Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him down to her, meeting him in a kiss. Home, he was home.

"Perfect."

"Perfect."

xxxxx

The light streamed through the bedroom window and woke Sara up.

There was still some unfamiliarity to this, the light feeling different than in her bedroom or Grissom's. It was new but good.

She was not as disoriented as the night before, which could have had something to do with the fact that she felt Grissom right next to her.

This was something she had missed since her vacation started. Their differing schedules had not left them the time to wake up together, and now they could wake up together everyday. They were home.

A smile seemed to be constantly plastered to her face, and when she turned, she saw that Grissom was awake and returning her smile.

"Good morning, sunshine."

Her smile widened. "The new bed isn't good for you. You're getting cheesy."

His chest rumbled beneath her as he laughed. "I'm just glad to be with you again."

So he had missed her too.

"Do you realize what this all means?" Sara inched closer, laying her head on his shoulder.

"We've reached a big stop on the road."

"We still have a long way to go, but we're definitely on the right road."

They really had come a long way. A couple of months ago, laying in bed with Grissom in their own home and talking about themselves and the state of their relationship was not something she had even dreamed about.

"Sara, I love you. That you've held on is just amazing…and a little beyond me." His hand wrapped around her shoulder and he hugged her closer to him. "Thank you for being so stubborn."

He kissed the top of her head, not knowing how else to show his appreciation.

"This is really nice. Too bad we can't stay like this forever." Sara really wished it would be like that, and by the look on Grissom's face, he was not at all adverse to her idea.

"Well, my mother is probably already reorganizing our kitchen – after only one night – and some bad guys need to be caught, so I'm afraid that right now that's not going to happen. But how about we try again, like every day?"

He blew her away with his statement. This was a new and improved version of her Grissom, and she liked it. It made him much more accessible.

"Sounds great."

xxxxx

"Mom, you really don't have to do this." Grissom tried to keep his mother from finishing the unpacking in the living room.

After some further cuddling in bed, they had found some energy to get up. Sara went to the bathroom to shower while Grissom went to see where his mother was. He found her in the living room arranging their books. It was not just that she was doing their work, he was getting a bit nervous that someone else was trying to bring order into his bookshelf. Everyone had his or her own order, and although his mother knew him pretty well, his system was different now.

"Don't be such a stiff, Gil. It's just a bookshelf."

Judging by the glint in her eyes, his mother knew exactly what was going on in his head and used the opportunity to tease him.

"You're doing this on purpose."

"Prove it!" she challenged him, but he could only shrug his shoulders.

"Some scientist you are." She smirked and put the last book away, turning to sit on the couch. "How do you feel?"

"Good." Lauren raised an eyebrow, a gesture which her son had adopted from her.

"Better than good." His smile told her he was honest, but didn't really know how to express what he was feeling.

"Do you think you did the right thing?" Her statement was free of any judgment. She merely wanted to see how sure he was after the first night.

He did look sure, but with him, the outward appearance could be misleading. "Sara is the best thing that ever happened to me and I only regret not doing this sooner."

His honesty seemed to be the right answer because his mother stretched a bit and kissed his cheek. "I'm happy for you."

Grissom was glad that his mother understood him and respected his decision.

The last few days had shown that he'd been right. Sara didn't have to worry. Lauren had taken exceptionally well to her, easily forming a friendship with the younger woman. His mother was open enough to like anyone he loved, but Sara's personality had made her open up even more. This was not just because _he_ had chosen Sara, but because they seemed to agree on all of the things concerning him.

It scared him somewhat to have two such powerful women around him who were on the same side, at the same time, it made him comfortable to know that they were there for him. Things were good.

TBC


	18. Chapter 18

Growing Together

Part 18

Summary: Sometimes we're not really able to say what we want; and sometimes it's easier than we thought.

A/N: A huge thanks to Ace who has really helped me to make this chapter better.

xxxxx

"Grissom, we've discussed this and we both agreed that this was the occasion to come clean." Sara was looking up from her task of unpacking the boxes in her study.

Grissom was lounging at the doorway, watching her. In the beginning, he had tried to help her, but soon he had created more chaos than order and had taken his place as an observer. "I know, I guess I'm just nervous."

During their recent planning they had agreed that now that they had made it somewhat official, they should tell the others. Maybe it was also the knowledge that a shared address was not something they could hide forever. One day soon, Catherine would want to drop by his house, or Nick would want to have an after work chill out morning at her place, and then they wouldn't be able to hide anymore. A housewarming party seemed to be the perfect opportunity to explain it all.

Sara told herself that his cold feet were to be expected and that she should have prepared better. Now she had to improvise. "I'm just as nervous, but it'll only get worse the longer we wait."

She busied herself, trying to bring order into her collection of art books while she waited for his next move. She had to remind herself to give him time to think everything through. The only way to win a race with Grissom was slow and steady, time had taught her that, and if she wanted to convince him that this was a good idea, then he had to convince himself first.

"Saturday?"

Sara couldn't suppress a small smile, but tried to hide it by lowering her head further. It was getting easier every day.

"Yeah." It worked every time.

"Alright, I'll buy the groceries."

It would take more than just buying groceries on his part, but for now it was a start. She had a couple of days more to make him a bit more enthusiastic. Saturday was her last day off and she wanted it to be perfect.

If she was honest, it bothered her that Grissom's mother wouldn't be there. She had to leave the next day and Sara was sad to see her go.

Although she had been skeptical at the beginning because she didn't know what to expect, now she couldn't imagine not meeting her. The woman had impressed her deeply and she felt absolutely comfortable with her once she felt the acceptance coming from Lauren.

But it was more than that; it also gave her something that she hadn't felt in a while: the love of a parent. Grissom's mother had treated her as if she really was part of the family. She had made her feel welcome, accepted, and loved.

Things had been going great and although Sara knew that this visit had to end, it still made her sad.

As for the party, it would have been a big support to have Grissom's mom there when they told the others. But, it couldn't be helped and Sara could only hope that Lauren would soon visit them again.

xxxxx

The ride to the airport was silent.

Mrs. Grissom had argued that her son looked far too tired and it would take too much time to send her on her way. After a long discussion, Grissom had decided to stay home and get some sleep while Sara took his mother to the airport. He would never get enough sleep before he had to go to shift that night and the move had also taken a toll on him.

Sara had to drive, and although she was getting better at ASL, she was still a bit shy using it. Not being able to face Lauren didn't let any conversation come up, which was bothering her. There was so much she still wanted to tell the other woman.

After having checked Grissom's mother in, they still had enough time to grab a cup of coffee, and Sara saw it as her chance to get it off her chest.

She took a deep breath, but her throat closed up and nothing but a slight cough came out.

She must have looked like a fish out of the water, because Lauren began to sign and speak. "What's the matter?"

Holding up her hand, Sara took a sip of her coffee to clear her throat. "Sorry."

This nervousness was getting ridiculous. From the last few days she should have learned that Grissom's mother didn't bite. Another quick inner pep talk later, she finally had gathered all of the courage she needed.

"I…I want to tell you that this visit meant so much to me. I was scared that you wouldn't like me, that you would tell Grissom that he could do so much better, that I simply wasn't good enough for your son. I know he tried to tell me that you weren't like that, but I was too afraid to believe it. I'm so inexperienced when it comes to relationships and it's even worse with Grissom because he means so much…"

A loud clap stopped her rambling and made her realize that Lauren had probably not understood one word she had said.

"I overtalked again."

Sara felt like smacking her head, wondering if she was ever going to learn.

She couldn't go on talking like this, especially if she was around Mrs. Grissom.

"I'm sorry, I…"

Just when she was about to repeat some of the things she had said the big board hovering at the end of the hall announced that Lauren's flight was ready to be boarded.

"We have to get you to the gate." Sara smiled at the woman apologetically and got up.

They walked through the huge corridors in silence until they reached the place where they had to say goodbye.

Without warning, Lauren leaned in and hugged Sara. "I'll miss you."

When they parted, Sara haltingly signed 'me too' and tried to smile.

Lauren dug into her pocket and pulled out a piece of paper, handing it to Sara. "Write me, with everything."

The note contained her address and email address and again, the request to keep in contact.

Maybe she would get her chance to tell her everything again sooner than she had anticipated.

xxxxx

The cursor blinked on the screen, driving her crazy.

She had thought that writing the things down would be easier, but that was just an illusion. In reality, her thoughts were just as jumbled as the words that she had typed down and erased again.

It bothered her that she had learned to communicate with Grissom, but couldn't tell his mother what she wanted to her to know in a way that had some sort of order to it. She didn't want to come across as a blubbering idiot, even if she was just that when it came to forming coherent text. This was why she only read things.

She had to write this down coherently. Taking another deep breath, she forced herself to start writing again.

At first it sounded completely awkward and it wasn't quite what she wanted to say, but she continued writing until she had finally gotten out what had been burning on her soul.

She reread her whole message and was surprised to notice that if she deleted some things here and there, it wasn't too bad.

'Dear Lauren,

I was scared about your visit, not knowing how you would react to me, but you wiped away all my fears. Thank you for making this visit special and starting our relationship so positively.

In my mind, I came up with all these fears that I now know were ridiculous.

What would I do if you didn't like me? What would I do if you wanted to get me out of your son's life because you thought I wasn't good enough for him? What would Grissom do?

Now I know that you are too kind to ever do that and I'm so glad that you've accepted me as the woman who loves your son.

I promise you that I will take care of your son. I love him more than I can tell you.

Sara'

Now she only had to hit 'send'.

TBC


	19. Chapter 19

Growing Together

Part 19

Summary: It's not Grissom's day.

A/N: Hope you'll like this chapter although it's a bit shorter than usual.

xxxxx

"Your presence is requested on Saturday at 4 p.m."

That note, along with an address, was the main topic at work for the next few days. Everyone who had gotten an invitation was guessing as to who sent it.

Grissom pretended to have gotten one too, but remained out of the discussion. Since that was nothing unusual, no one had any suspicions that he had invited them.

Catherine was getting downright cranky that she couldn't figure it out. Her mood influenced everyone at work because she kept asking around how the others were progressing in their 'investigations.' But no one got even close to the truth.

"Grissom, are you really not the least bit interested to find out who sent the invitations?"

Friday morning, she was bothering Grissom for the third time. Unfortunately, Catherine had picked the most inopportune moment, right in the middle of an experiment, and Grissom just couldn't take it anymore.

"You know what? I didn't want to go to this…party or whatever to begin with. You showed up every five minutes until I said I'd go. And now you're still showing up in regular time intervals that are far too close together, and if you don't quit bothering me now, I'll let my pets loose if you come to drag me out of my house because I've changed my mind."

Catherine looked shocked. This was not the reaction she had expected.

Grissom had never had a verbal outburst like this. His deadly weapon had always been silence coupled with a disapproving look that made you want to be swallowed by the ground, but never this.

He had only gotten 'louder' with Ecklie or particularity cold hearted criminals, but not like this.

To be honest, this Grissom scared her because she believed every word he said to be true. When he really didn't want to, maybe even felt provoked, there was no way to convince him.

She wanted to apologize, but his still dark look told her that it wasn't the right time. She retreated quietly, leaving Grissom to his experiment.

As so often, Grissom wondered how he and Catherine had ever become friends. It seemed too illogical, so completely opposite they were. But in the end, Grissom knew - they had become friends because – at least back then – they shared the same values _and_ because each of them needed someone the complete opposite in their lives for some kind of balance.

Usually their system worked well, but there were all of the other times where they just drove each other up the wall. And today was one of those times.

He could only hope Saturday was 'usually.'

xxxxx

His hopes of a quiet morning were dashed when he felt _it _brewing within.

It was coming and there was no way he could stop it, especially not here, not at work.

It shouldn't have surprised him, considering the stress he had been under for the last week, but he had prayed that he had been wrong when he felt the first clouds.

Tiredly, he rubbed his eyes, temples and neck, but nothing helped. This was the beginning of a killer migraine.

As much as he hated it, this was not the time to play the strong one and hold out. This was the time to admit defeat and swallow the pill – literally.

Taking the pain killers would mean that he would be completely useless for the rest of the day, not that he could do much without them. The only question was how was he supposed to get home?

Either way, it would not be safe for him to drive. He should probably call Sara and have her pick him up.

Decision made, he reached into one of the drawers and pulled out the painkillers. Unfortunately, he had nothing to drink in his office, so he had to face the bright lights and the buzz of the hallways.

However, he had no choice because he simply could not swallow the pills dry. It always made him feel as if they got stuck half way down and that would not help his nausea.

When he reached the break room, he wished he had taken the chance.

Catherine was just taking a break, munching away on some take out food. The smell made his stomach turn and it took everything not to be sick.

Catherine didn't look up, choosing to ignore him after their disagreement.

To get back to his office as soon as possible, Grissom left her to her food and went to grab a glass of water. When he turned too fast, he swayed, feeling dizzy. His difficulties didn't go unnoticed by Catherine. She had looked up at his shuffling and he could see the worry on her face.

She only had to take one look at his face and she knew what was wrong with him. "Why didn't you say something?"

Quickly, she put her food away and went over to check on him. Like a mother, she checked his temperature on his forehead. He hated it.

However in the state that he was, he couldn't put up much resistance. The only chance he had to get out of this as fast as possible would be to give in.

He let Catherine go through her routine and when she finished, he turned to leave, mumbling something resembling 'I'm going home.'

Before he was able to get out the door, Catherine had taken hold of his arm to stop him. "Oh no, you're not driving in this condition. I'm going to take you home."

A sharp flash of pain shot through his head, making him bend over. Dimly he felt her hand on his back, lending him silent support. The irony was that she was also partly responsible for his pain.

He shook his head to clear it somewhat and be able to think again. He had to get rid of her.

"You can't just leave. I'll call a cab."

Grissom hoped his voice sounded strong enough to put her off; a vain hope.

"Nonsense, I'll drive. Get your stuff."

Without giving him the chance to protest, Catherine left, heading for the looker room. This was not good.

TBC


	20. Chapter 20

Growing Together

Part 20

Summary: Grissom has to take care of something while somebody should be taking care of him.

A/N: I'm not sure if I can post next week because right now it looks as if I have to take a one week break. I hope you'll keep reading.

xxxxx

"Catherine, I can handle it from here on." The pain behind his eyes intensified as Grissom argued with her.

Catherine had parked in front of his old townhouse and wanted to go in with him to make sure he was alright. Although he hadn't sold it yet, there was nothing in it. They had brought everything to the new house or had it picked up by a charity organization. His old home was completely empty, and he was not missing anything.

Catherine was halfway out of the car but he could see her hesitating. This was his chance.

"I'm just going to bed. The pain medication is taking effect and there's not much you can do."

She still didn't look convinced. "I'll call if it gets worse. I promise."

Grissom winced, feeling as if he was talking to his mother again, but there was no other way to get rid of her. If she didn't believe him no…but she did. "Alright. Do you have some new top secret bugs in there or what?"

He tilted his head to the side, thinking of a comeback. "Something with more legs than you can handle."

He should have thought of that sooner, but his head was still wrapped up in clouds. The most important thing was that she had given in.

Grissom exited the car quickly and waved before Catherine could change her mind. Luckily, he still had the keys to the townhouse and he pretended to go in as if everything was perfectly normal, not wanting to raise any suspicions.

He closed the door quickly behind him, moving to a window to check if Catherine was really leaving. She sat in her car, watching the door, but after another moment of hesitation, she put the car in reverse and left.

Grissom breathed a sigh of relief and turned around.

The pounding in his head intensified again as the stress of deflecting Catherine was looking for an outlet. He was glad that the whole house was dark and chilly; if only he could sit down.

He heavily leaned against the wall and fumbled for his phone. It didn't matter that he had lived here for almost 20 years; right now he just wanted to go home – to Sara.

xxxxx

"Come on, let's get you to bed." Sara helped Grissom up the stairs, knowing how exhausted he was.

This was the first migraine attack she got to experience with him, and already she knew that this was something she wished she could spare him.

He was tense, his whole body heavy and stiff, radiating the pain off in waves. At least that's what it felt like for her, and for him, it had to be even worse.

When he had called her to pick him up, he had sounded so weak that she was scared beyond belief. She didn't know the whole story of why he was at the townhouse, but he was not in a condition to talk. Later, when he was feeling better, she would ask, but now, her priority was to get Grissom to bed.

He leaned heavily on her until they reached the bedroom. Sara helped him to undress, careful to avoid any rash movement, especially of his head, and got him settled in their bed.

"Do you want anything?" she whispered after darkening the room with the help of the shades.

Grissom couldn't even shake his head, but Sara could see that there was something that he just didn't have the strength to ask.

"I…read that a cold compress can help. Is that something that works for you?" His eyes told her that she was right, so she left the room to prepare it.

When she returned, she carefully spread the cold cloth on his forehead. At first he winced, but then the skin around his eyes relaxed and he closed his eyes, breathing deeply.

He seemed to be feeling better - at least enough to fall asleep, but Sara was feeling worse. She felt so helpless now that she had provided him with the basics. There was nothing more she could do but let him sleep.

This morning had definitely not gone as planned. She had wanted to have a leisurely breakfast with him, discuss the party tomorrow and surprise him with the displays she had hung up in his office. But all of that could wait until he was better.

Sara took the time to sit next to the bed to make sure that he really was asleep and wasn't conscious of the pain anymore. Her left hand kept the compress on his forehead, while the other lay on his hand, for she needed to feel the warmth of him.

It felt weird to take care of someone else who was sick and yet good to know that apparently she was doing something right. This was something that needed practice and something that she wanted to avoid at the same time; one of the paradoxes of life.

Her hand left the compress and traveled through his hair. Hopefully he would feel better when he woke up.

xxxxx

'Only a few minutes more.' That's what Sara had told herself until she had also drifted off to sleep.

When she woke up, she found Grissom watching her in the dark, still looking a bit tired and pale, but looking better. It was nothing that wasn't expected after a migraine.

She smiled at him, letting her hand wander to his face to touch his cheek. It was as much a gesture of comfort for him as it was for her. They spent moments in silence, glad that the worst was over.

Content that he was almost back to his old self, Sara leaned over and kissed him gently.

"I'm going to make you a tea."

Grissom nodded, returned her smile and watched her leave the room. He took the time to wash up and dress, grateful that Sara had dimmed the lights in the whole house. It wasn't really dark, but there were no bright lights that hurt his eyes.

Minutes later, he joined her in the kitchen where he found her already sipping a cup of tea. She kept watching his every movement, trying to guess what he needed. He was her priority.

She simply couldn't resist walking up behind him and carefully kneading the muscles on his neck to try to ease the rest of the tension. He groaned, rolling his head from side to side.

"Thank you."

Sara continued the gentle motion, smiling at his obvious pleasure. "Are you feeling better?"

With a last groan, Grissom tilted his head back, trapping her hands. In this position he could look at her, and she could see that the color was returning to his face.

"The head's still feeling a bit thick, but the pain is gone."

She could see that he was being truthful, not putting up a brave front, and was glad that he was really feeling better.

"So?" Sara asked carefully, pulling her hands out and taking a seat next to him.

"Catherine," was his only answer, as if it explained everything, and oddly, it did.

The thought of the person in question alone led Sara to guess accurately what had happened. Of course she was thankful that Catherine was taking care of her friend, but a little less meddling in the lives of others would do her good. She wasn't even concerned that Catherine could have found out today, but she shuddered to think what it would have done to Grissom.

It would have thrown him back quite a bit, destroying what had taken a lot of effort to build – trust and security. Overall, however, it had confirmed that it was high time to do something.

"It'll be okay. And by Sunday, we won't have to stress out over trivialities like that."

Her reassuring voice hit home, and she saw that he was really starting to believe her – and himself.

xxxxx

The rest of the day was spent relaxing, on Sara's insistence. The next day would only bring new stress and they both needed to be rested to prevent a repeat of today. Most of the time flew by as they read their books, each of them soaking up the warmth of the other.

Sara finished her book first and took the time to study Grissom. She wondered if he looked any different.

He should because this was not his old somewhat stark living room. This was theirs. True, they were not finished with the decorations because a few boxes still remained unpacked. She would have never thought that they possessed so much stuff, but they had actually filled the house. It was not cramped. It was just…filled with stuff they needed. And yet, everything seemed so different.

This was her home now – their home – and that fact alone changed everything.

The question was now, did Grissom seem different?

The answer was yes.

They had both changed and it showed.

Unconsciously, she smiled, simply because she was happy.

"I love your smile." Only when Grissom spoke did she realize that she had been staring at him for a while.

Grissom had noticed her being spaced out and in turn had started watching her. When she had smiled, he had to say something.

Sara blushed upon receiving the compliment, but her smile kept growing wider. She put her book away, which she had almost held in a death grip ever since getting lost in her thoughts, and moved around.

She got on all fours and crawled over Grissom's legs until she was face to face with him. "I was worried. But now you're okay and that makes me happy."

He nodded, put his own book away, and pulled Sara closer. "I'm sorry. I can't help it."

She shook her head, telling him that he didn't need to apologize. "Let's not talk about that anymore. I didn't want to kill the mood."

When she was about to pull back a bit, Grissom tightened his hold on her, still smiling. "No, you didn't."

He tilted his head and sought out her lips. "Let's just make the best of the remaining evening."

This time he didn't let her go again because there was nothing more to say, except maybe some whispered 'I love yous.'

TBC


	21. Chapter 21

Growing Together

Part 21

Summary: People have different perceptions of the same thing.

A/N: Since I couldn't make it last week, I thought I'd post this a little bit early. It's different from the other chapters, but I hope you will still like it.

xxxxx

They had all decided to go together. Catherine would ride with Brass while Warrick picked up Nick and Greg.

After Catherine had told them to leave Grissom alone two days ago, they had done just that and now no one knew if he would be going. It had been a highly unusual request, especially from Catherine, but even she had tried her best to remain strictly professional.

Seeing Grissom in such a bad condition that she knew was brought on by stress had left her feeling more than a bit guilty. After all, she had been the one who kept bugging him.

Brass was steering the car through the streets, focused on finding the right address, while Catherine was dividing her attention between taking in their surroundings and watching him.

Ever since he had picked her up she felt that he knew something she didn't. It was nothing specific. He just looked a bit too calm, didn't ask any questions – not one since they got the invitations – and from time to time a slow smile spread on his face. On the whole, he seemed so sure…about what, Catherine couldn't tell.

She turned in her seat to get a better look, momentarily forgetting about the streets and where they were going. This time, Brass noticed that he was being watched but didn't turn his eyes away from the road. "Wanna ask me something?"

Catherine chided herself for being so obvious but decided it was better to take the most straightforward approach. "Do you know something I don't?"

There it was again, the knowing smile. "Would I keep anything from you?"

It was more than a rhetorical question. His answer was dripping with sarcasm.

"Tell me."

"Didn't Grissom once say something like 'The wisest people know that they don't know anything?' No, well, sounds like something he would say."

Catherine only stared at him, looking for a moment as if she wanted to strangle him.

"Hey, I'm _not_ the CSI here." Brass winked at her quickly and focused back on getting them to their destination safely, leaving Catherine to stew over his answer.

And stew she did.

For the rest of the ride she was wondering what Brass might have a 'theory' about while she had no idea what was going on. If she was honest, that was what bothered her the most, that she had no idea.

She had lost her touch.

The last year or so hadn't been easy for her, but she seemed to have lost some of the connection to her colleagues and friends. When was the last time she had really done something with them? She couldn't even remember the last time she'd had breakfast with Grissom.

Come to think of it, Grissom had been acting strange for a while – more than usual.

He had distanced himself even more and she hadn't seen it. They didn't socialize that much outside of work, but even that bit had petered out in the last couple of months.

There had to be something up with him, and she had to find out what.

If he came tonight, she would talk to him. But not like the other day. This time she had to tread more carefully.

Suddenly, Catherine noticed that Brass was pulling over to the side of the road, parking in front of an ordinary two story house.

This was not what they had expected.

"Are you sure this is the right address?" She turned to Brass, but found him just as surprised.

Whatever he had expected, it had obviously been 'less.' He caught himself quickly and nodded. "Absolutely."

Upon taking a closer look, he noticed something that made him sit up straighter and decided to point it out to Catherine. "Guess who's here?"

xxxxx

"Do you think Brass knows where he's going?" Nick joked as Warrick followed Brass' car through the streets.

"I'd be surprised if he didn't." To Nick's surprise, it wasn't Warrick who replied.

Greg had been eerily silent since they'd picked him up. Usually quite a chatterbox, he had just given them a quick greeting, taken his seat, and started staring out the window.

This uncharacteristic behavior from the young man had made Nick wonder what was wrong with him. He didn't think it was the silence after a long, hard shift or the quiet mourning after a broken relationship; no. Greg had matured over the last year, and it was from more than just wanting to go out in the field.

Nick turned to get a look at him to judge his mood, but Greg must have thought his statement needed some further explanation. "GPS. Brass has GPS."

Satisfied, he turned back to watching the houses fly by, but he left Nick more confused.

Greg had given him the impression that there was more to what he had said than just the fact that Brass had GPS. Did Brass – or Greg – know something?

If Greg knew something, wouldn't he react exactly opposite? He would probably spout off his theories, fidgeting around and waiting for confirmation. Being quiet like that was just not Greg.

Nick looked back at Greg again, but this time he was ignored. There was nothing he would get out of Greg right now, so he turned his attention back forward and decided to focus on Warrick. "Have you heard from Sara?"

"Not since we met for breakfast."

Nick nodded in agreement before he said what he was really thinking about. "Do you think she's coming?"

The change in Warrick's eyes told him that it wasn't only him who was wondering about that.

He had missed Sara terribly, but he knew that this vacation was something she needed. Although her mood had gotten lighter recently, she was still tired.

It was more than just tiredness born from her habit to stay awake for days on end and working too long. Something else had been bothering her.

When they met this week, she still seemed to be a bit stressed out, but her 'spirit' didn't seem as tired. She was being more open and receptive again, smiling honestly when he made a stupid joke. He really liked that new old Sara, but what he really loved was that she wasn't walking around with that dark cloud over her head anymore.

She would never be one of those all-smiles girls that he sometimes liked to go out with to balance the darkness in his life, but that just wouldn't be Sara anyway. The occasional smiles and the spark in her eyes, however, told him enough to know she was happy again.

He was really looking forward to working with her again, hoping that the old light atmosphere would be back. Maybe she would even be at the gathering today.

"If all of us got an invitation, why shouldn't she get one either?"

Nick noticed that Brass was slowing down and wondered if they had reached their destination. Brass pulled up to the curb and Warrick followed.

This was not what they had expected.

"Are you sure this is the right address?"

"As Greg pointed out, Brass _does _have GPS and this is definitely the right place." Warrick looked at the invitation he held in his right hand and back out the windshield again.

Upon taking a closer look, he noticed something that made him sit up straighter and decided to point it out to the others. "Guess who's here?"

TBC


	22. Chapter 22

Growing Together

Part 22

Summary: It's the night of the party. How will the others react to the news?

A/N: One more chapter to go. I decided to end this part of the story with the next part. However, there is one last step I want them to take before I finish this for good. There will, most likely, be another story to this series, but I need a short break from it to gather new ideas.  
So, I hope you guys enjoy this part before we wrap this up.

xxxxx

"Sara, calm down."

They had reversed roles in accordance to the imbalance principle of relationships. Where she had been the soothing power before, she was now a wreck, and Grissom had to intervene.

Sara was currently pacing the living room of their new home, worrying the hem of her shirt, while Grissom was sitting on the couch, looking as calm as if he would be waiting for the newspaper to arrive. He had long since given up trying to get her to sit down.

They still had ten more minutes and everything was ready. Sara had scurried around all day, making sure that everything was perfect; and it couldn't be anymore perfect. He didn't know why she was nervous about the preparations, although he could understand the general nervousness.

Right now, he was eerily calm, waiting for whatever there was to come.

It was then that he heard cars pull up outside. Judging by the deer-in-the-headlights look on Sara's face, she had heard it too.

His hand motioned up and down, and she took a deep breath to at least calm down enough to open the door. She smoothed her clothes for the tenth time, checking again if she looked presentable, but Grissom could see that her hands were trembling.

When there was nothing more she could do for herself, she went over to him and attempted to straighten his hair. It was hard to control the urge to laugh at her clumsiness, but he knew that that would only make it worse. He wanted her to feel good and not to explode from excess tension.

They heard the car doors slam and Grissom grabbed both of her hands to keep them still. "Everything's going to be okay. They are our friends. Isn't that what you've told me again and again?"

Upon her nod, he smiled. "Good, then let's go knock the socks off them."

xxxxx

The doorbell rang, and with one last look at each other, Grissom opened the door…and saw all of their friends.

Their expressions ranged from smiling politely to absolute and utter shock.

The only exceptions were Greg and Brass. Greg had only tried to smile politely, but then his expression immediately turned a bit mournful. Brass, on the other hand, had a different reaction to seeing Grissom standing in the doorway with his hand wrapped firmly in Sara's. He only looked surprised for a second before he broke out into a broad smile.

Silence reigned the situation, everyone being too stunned to say anything. Somehow it was exactly how Grissom had imagined it.

What worried him most was Sara's tense silence, and that put him into motion. He stepped back, taking Sara with him. The doorway was now free for the others to enter, but when none of them moved, it was Brass who pushed them in from behind.

All of them entered and were steered automatically in the direction of the living room where Sara had set up some food and drinks.

Grissom and Sara followed last, he not letting go of her hand. It wasn't only for her. He also drew strength from her presence, repeating their mantra of 'we can do this together.'

To break the silence, Grissom spoke up. "Thank you for coming."

His words seemed to bring Sara out of her trance and she didn't look as lost and scared as she had five minutes ago.

"I don't think we need to spell it out," she took over from Grissom, "but we will anyway."

Sara glanced at Grissom, and upon his nod, she smiled. "W_e_ did invite you here tonight to stop all of this secrecy."

A squeeze of her hand and she was ready to come clean. "For the past couple of months Grissom and I have been together and now we've taken this one step further. You're currently standing in 'our' living room, in 'our' house."

For a few seconds there was nothing but silence before Catherine couldn't hold it in anymore.

"You bastard, you set me up yesterday!" The words were harsh, but there was a teasing undertone in her voice.

"Can you forgive an ill man?"

The banter between the two of them eased the whole atmosphere and had everyone cracking up with laughter.

All of the tension was released until they were holding their stomachs. This was good.

One look at Sara told him that she was more than relieved that they seemed to take it so positively. She was surprised when first Nick, and then Warrick, came to hug her.

"Glad you finally got what you wanted." It was Warrick who whispered into her ear, and she smiled back at him.

"Me too, me too."

Grissom got a punch in the arm and a teasing, "Finally!" from Catherine, and an appreciative slap on the shoulder from Brass.

Greg held back a bit, but when his turn had come to say something, he smiled at Sara and winked at Grissom. "Does that mean I won't get yelled at so much anymore now that you have proven you're the Alpha male?"

He probably regretted not having his big mouth under control when Grissom shot him a dark look, but Sara's giggles saved him from further harm.

"We'll see about that when the next decomp comes in."

Greg's resulting pout even made Grissom smile, although he tried to hide it.

"Now, where's the bubbly stuff to drink to that?" Brass jokingly looked around, showing fake disappointment when there was nothing to be seen.

"I never pegged you as the 'bubbly stuff' type of guy." Sara moved over to Brass, taking his arm and squeezing it.

"I am a man of mystery."

They could hear a snort and turned to see Catherine looking amused. "I think that's supposed to be Grissom's line."

xxxxx

"_That_ was because of Grissom?" Greg looked more than shocked by Sara's admission.

She had just told the others that one night when Catherine had caught her changing from a fancy dress to her work clothes in the locker room was because Grissom had surprised her with concert tickets.

The others had started questioning the couple about several incidents that had them wondering. At the beginning, it was an uncomfortable questioning, especially for Grissom, but he kept telling himself that it was as much for Sara and the others as it was for him. Sara had set the example and he wanted to show her he could learn from the past too.

They had organized that evening to strengthen their friendship and he knew that he had not done enough up until now.

He didn't need to be a social butterfly with more acquaintances than a normal address book could hold. No, that wasn't necessary because it wasn't him. But he had friends – good friends – and every relationship needed time and effort. He had put so much of that into the one with Sara and it had been one hundred percent worth it. Sure, his fellow CSIs could wear him down, but he wanted to keep them as his 'family.'

With Sara at his side, he could do it.

"I felt just as uncomfortable, believe me."

They all laughed, even Grissom. The discomfort was mostly gone and he had to admit that he was having fun.

"Fess up Grissom. When I caught you in your office last week, trying to hide the computer screen, what was that about?" Catherine asked when they had all calmed down.

Grissom played dumb first, but when the simple 'huh?' didn't work, he had to explain. "It was not about an order of bugs that had gone wrong."

Catherine rolled her eyes and some of the others did the same. "I was talking to my mother about the couch she was burning to buy for us. I thought it was too much."

"Meddling mothers." Nick's comment made everyone smile in sympathy, although no one but Sara had met Grissom's mother. If she was anything like her son when he was determined to do something, then no one else stood a chance.

Catherine's smirk told Grissom that she was matching his expression of that day to a lecture his mother could have given him. "I'm guessing she won."

"Alright, get that laugh out of the way. I'm still doing what my mother tells me."

They wanted to laugh, but as they remembered their own mothers, they bit it back.

"Don't we all." Brass had taken a backseat in the interrogation game until now, but he couldn't resist the challenge that was left open for him.

"So, what did your mommy tell you to do next?"

TBC


	23. Chapter 23

Growing Together

Part 23

Summary: Sara has a surprise for Grissom to help him unwind.

A/N: Yep, this is the last part of this story. As I've already said, I plan one last story in this series, but I need a short break to gather new ideas. Hope you like this last part.  
Enjoy!

xxxxx

A deep sigh escaped Sara's lips when she was finally able to sink into bed.

Grissom had sent her off, insisting on doing the last part. However, she knew that she would not fall asleep until he followed her – no matter how tired she was.

Somehow she needed to feel him to assure her that everything had gone well. She needed to know that he was doing okay.

It wasn't long before he joined her. Although he must have known that she was tired, he couldn't help but break the silence. "Sara?"

She turned to face him, propping herself up on her elbow. She was tired but because today was so important, she was willing to listen. "How do you feel about today?"

"Isn't that supposed to be my question?" Her slow smile made him reach out and caress her face.

"Well, I guess we were both pretty nervous."

"Greg seemed to be very disappointed."

There was something in his eyes, a small flicker of doubt, and Sara didn't know why he would feel that way. The best way to help him see that there was nothing he had to worry about was also the simplest. Sara leaned forward and captured his lips, engaging him in a slow, deep kiss. "I love you."

To make sure he really understood, she kept her eyes trained on his until the smile he gave her reached his eyes.

"Brass suspected something."

Grissom nodded, sharing her assessment. "Judging by the look on their faces, he was the only one."

"Yep, we're good. Especially together."

Wrapping his other arm around her, Grissom pulled her closer. "We are."

"So, do we feel better now?"

Grissom bent his head so he could look at her face and saw her smile at the odd question.

"_We_ feel better now because our friends have taken the news better than we had hoped for."

Although keeping eye contact was somewhat uncomfortable, they both needed it to see what the other was thinking. Sara saw that he was much more relaxed now, which was normal, but there was something else that confused her.

"Did you do this just for me?"

It flattered and disturbed her that he would do something like that. She didn't want to be pushing him. That's why they had been taking it slow and she had always waited for him to introduce the next step.

"Yes and no." He looked away but pulled her so close that she could feel his breathing and his muscles tensing.

"You're private but not to the degree that I am. I realized that your way to handle things is much more balanced. Your list…it inspired me. I haven't made my own, but I'm trying to work on my relationships as well. I agreed for you, for us, _and_ for me."

The relief was even greater than earlier in the evening. Progress, that was the key, and, as Grissom had correctly pointed out, it was about her and him.

xxxxx

"Last day, honey. You should take it slow."

Sara was bursting with energy while he seemed to be tired. The previous day had been fun, but it had depleted his energy level. Sleep alone wasn't enough to recharge his cells.

They had slept longer than they usually did. Waking up had been different; the feeling had been different. A huge weight had been lifted off of him, which he hadn't noticed before. He knew he cared what his friends thought of him, but he hadn't realized how important it was to him.

Work had always been important to him, and while he was worried about his job as much as Sara's, his feelings had changed.

He knew Sara wouldn't leave him if their work situation changed.

He knew he could find another job. He had enough possibilities and offers. The only thing to consider was that he had to be close to Sara.

He knew his friends wouldn't desert him if he had to change professionally. They were his friends, or more like family, as Catherine had once claimed.

He knew he had the unending support of his mother in all aspects.

He didn't need to worry about that anymore. There were more important things in life.

When Sara rushed past him for the third time in under a minute, he looked up and caught her eyes. "Sara?"

"I know, and I don't want to do much. Just this one thing. Please."

How could he resist her? As long as they were back soon enough to unwind and rest before work, he would be fine. Sara's smile would take care of everything else. "Alright, get ready."

As predicted, Sara gave him a bright smile and continued with her preparations before vanishing into the bathroom.

She hadn't really told him what it was that she wanted to do, only that he needed to go with her. He closed his eyes, letting his head fall back against the couch, and waited for Sara to return.

How much time had passed, Grissom couldn't tell, but it couldn't have been long since Sara only seemed to have jeans and a shirt on.

"Come on, I'll drive."

xxxxx

He had no idea where they were.

After the first few miles, he had closed his eyes, wanting to give Sara this surprise. Of course, the additional rest couldn't be bad. The motion of the vehicle lulled him into a doze until Sara pulled to a stop.

Slowly, he opened his eyes, taking a look around.

The sheer amount of cars confused him, actually making it hard to recognize the surroundings even for someone who was usually very observant. It took another look and a glance at Sara to realize that he had indeed been there before.

Sara had taken him to the Knightleys' wildlife park where everything had begun.

Here he had made the decision to try his best. And now, now he had Sara. She loved him, she wanted to be with him, and they had moved in together.

"I know it's Sunday and the park will be packed, but…it's our last day – my last day." She looked utterly adorable, wanting it so much and scared that he could say no.

The masses that were waiting for them behind the gates did make him nervous, but he would get past that. "Let's go."

Getting out of the car, he noticed that Sara wasn't following him. Instead, she was staring at the entrance, smiling softly. He opened the door for her, startling her out of whatever pleasant daydream she'd had.

To help her, he held out his hand. Feeling playful all of a sudden, he smirked and decided to tease her. "May I help you out of your carriage, Milady?"

Her laugh was worth it.

xxxxx

It wasn't as bad as he had expected. The park was filled with families, and the children were making a lot of noise, but Sara's presence and the pleasant memories helped him enjoy their time together.

They strolled through the park, taking the same route they had before – this time alone. Grissom couldn't resist putting his arm around her, no matter how public they were. After last night he felt free to express his affection for Sara. That Sara let him touch her so openly was a good sign that she felt the same way.

When they reached the insect house, an involuntary smile spread across his face. There must have been an excited glint in his eyes because Sara smiled too and pulled him over to the entrance. "Come on, I know you want to."

It was almost empty, which was a bit surprising considering a lot of boys liked the creepy creatures. With a quick look at his watch, Grissom was happy to notice that it was lunch time, hopefully giving them some time alone.

Apparently, that was what Sara had also hoped for because she wasn't interested in looking at the animals, instead pulling him further into the insect house until they came to a bench. Not just any bench, it was _the_ bench where they had had _the_ conversation.

It felt weird to be sitting there again now that so much had changed.

"I wanted to thank you." Sara leaned against his side, but did not look at him.

She kept staring straight ahead, avoiding his gaze because she knew it would distract her while she was trying to find the right words.

"You know, at the beginning I was angry that I got a lot of confidence back when 'we' started. I thought that you had taken it and I needed you to get it back. I didn't want to depend on someone like that."

She could see he was about to argue, but at the last moment he decided to keep it to himself for now.

"But I was wrong. You only gave me something to believe in – myself. I learned that we not only had to develop the 'us' in this relationship; we had to start progress within ourselves. I don't think we will ever finish this task, but I feel like we've reached some sort of an end point."

That these words made him cringe in fear made her heart ache. Working on it would never really stop.

"I think we've reached a comfort level that couldn't be greater. I know it sounds strange, but moving in together and living with you has exceeded the limits I had previously thought rigid. I trust you more than I ever thought I could. Does that make sense?"

At his nod, she continued. "Now we have to work on keeping this up, and I wouldn't have come this far if I hadn't had your support. So…thank you."

Grissom was speechless.

Sara's confession had floored him, taking away all ability to come up with an answer. But maybe that was because there _was_ no answer to it; except maybe, "Thank _you_!"

It must have been the right one because Sara rewarded him with a bright smile and a slow kiss.

Even after the kiss had ended, they sat there enjoying the moment until Grissom had reached a decision about something that had been on his mind since the first time they had been to the park. "If this is an end point, are you ready to start another journey?"

Sara looked startled at first, not having expected a request like that. She wondered what he was referring to until she looked in his eyes. His wish about where they would continue to was written all over his face.

And listening within herself, she found she already knew the answer. "Yes."

The end


End file.
